Have you ever come up with a million excuses not to do something but behind all of them, it’s only fear or ego holding you back?
I feel you.
It turns out that fear and ego have interfered with my decisions plenty — and I didn’t realize it until recently.
For a long time, I believed my excuses!
But the other day I was chatting with a friend I met at Tribal who does a lot of work with Human Design. I know little about Human Design, but when she pulled up my chart, she told me I have a deep fear of failure.
I can’t tell you if this Human Design Chart thing is accurate or not, but it got me thinking.
A few days later, I get a forwarded email from a friend that read:
I think I’m doing this 😱
As I scrolled down, I saw she was referring to Pete Vargas and Grant Cardone’s Great American Speak Off — an “American Idol” type event for speakers.
My next thought was, “No thanks.”
First, the event felt gimmicky to me. Was this really just a way to get people in to sell them something else?
Second, I don’t need to enter a contest to prove I’m a talented speaker. Plus, I don’t have a competitive bone in my body.
Third, it’s an all-day event. I’m not spending an entire Saturday around a ton of strangers competing for this thing when I could be with my family!
All very legitimate reasons to not join my friend.
That’s when Vickie’s voice popped into my head. “You have a deep fear of failure.”
What would it mean if that were true?
As I explored this further, I imagined how it would feel if I competed and got a golden ticket. How would it feel if I made it all the way and actually got to speak at Grant’s 10X Growth Conference?
It would be amazing.
And that’s when it hit me. There was one more reason I wouldn’t want to take part in the Speak Off — because maybe I’m not good enough.
Maybe my speech isn’t strong enough.
Maybe I’m not funny enough, my story isn’t moving enough, or my message isn’t important enough.
It’s a lot easier to say or think something is great when there is no proof of the contrary.
The other excuses were true … but not as important.
WHAT IS DRIVING YOUR DECISIONS
Although I am deeply grateful for my friend who brought this to my attention, and I loved the experience of having a Human Design reading, I don’t think it takes a reading to know that most of us are governed by fear and ego.
The real reason I didn’t want to compete in the Speak Off was because I’d be embarrassed to lose.
I’m even embarrassed to write this.
That is ego.
That is fear.
Those were the emotions driving my decision.
Upon further reflection, I realized other areas in which ego and fear has taken charge of me. One of them was years ago when my friend, Bruce, urged me to hire a life coach.
I followed his advice. Even though Susan is still my life coach today, at first, I felt embarrassed to admit I had a coach.
Why? Because I had grown up in the personal development world since I was 7-years-old. I know this stuff like the back of my hand. I was so foolish back then that I actually thought if I had a life coach, that would make me less credible as a personal development expert.
Little did I know then that what makes me a good life coach today is that I have a coach and I DO THE WORK. I don’t just talk about it.
Looking back, I realize once again that EGO was the driver in that situation.
So now I ask you — are ego and fear hiding behind your very legitimate reasons and excuses?
Are ego and fear the driving force behind what you’re doing or NOT doing?
TAKE THE WHEEL
One of my daily affirmations is: I AM THE DRIVER IN MY JOURNEY
Last Saturday, I took the wheel back from my fear of failure. I registered for the Speak Off.
I knew if it was a gimmick or I didn’t like it, I could always leave.
My oldest son was my inspiration. That kid exposes himself to rejection constantly and chooses not to let it define him. How dare I not do the same?
I decided that the golden ticket wasn’t the WIN. The win was SHOWING UP and making my ego take the back seat.
You may wonder how I fared in the Speak Off. I won the Golden Ticket to advance to the Semi-Finals. It’s yet to be known how much further I’ll go.
DO THE WORK, SURRENDER THE OUTCOME
Ego & fear thrive when we are attached to outcomes and expectations.
But when we do the work and surrender the outcome, we claim our power back. We take the wheel and focus on what is within our control.
Often times, the biggest rewards are born from the outcomes we least expect.
So let’s be people who do the work and surrender the outcome. Let’s show up even when we’re afraid or embarrassed. Let’s peek behind the layers of excuses and make sure we’re not letting fear and ego take over.
If we can do that, we’ve already won.
