Lessons of Letting Go

I did it. I completed my decluttering marathon. If you’re new here, or you’re not caught up with the latest, you can read what got me started on this journey here, and more about the entire decluttering process here and here. 

Today, I want to share with you some of the last few lessons I learned from this experience hoping it may serve you in whatever chapter you’re in your life. 

TRUST THE PROCESS ALL THE WAY THROUGH

Of all the things I sorted through in my decluttering marathon, the category that took the longest and most energy, by far, was “sentimental items.” 

Pictures, letters, and mementos took me back to different eras of my life, from childhood to college. Some things were easy to toss. But others required a lot of consideration. 

I almost abandoned this part of the process. Remember that the original intention of this project was to get ready for the remodel. A friend of mine questioned me.“What’s the point of going into this kind of detail? Who cares if you have a few boxes of mementos? That doesn’t take up that much space!” 

She wasn’t wrong. I didn’t have to go through this ordeal to clear up the house for the remodel.

But although the impetus for this project was to empty the house, the outcome I was trying to achieve was to BECOME DIFFERENT. 

I wanted to become a person who doesn’t accumulate clutter — EVER. 

I wanted to become more organized in my home. 

I wanted to become more rationally minimalist. 
 
Sometimes we start a process intending to make permanent changes. But we modify the process, skip parts of it, or quit midway through. Then when we go back to our old ways, we convince ourselves that we “tried” and it just didn’t work 

I caught myself wanting to create excuses to speed up the process. I’ve done so much already. I could always come back to this at another time. This is too tedious for right now. I just need to focus on the big stuff. 

I chose not to accept those thoughts and believe that to truly change, I had to TRUST THE PROCESS ALL THE WAY THROUGH. That meant pushing through the tedious, hard stuff no matter how long it took. 

PUTTING THE PAST IN ORDER IS HEALING

In The life-changing magic of tidying up, Marie Kondo writes, “By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. If you just stow these things away in a drawer or cardboard box, before you realize it, your past will become a weight that holds you back and keeps you from living in the here and now.” 

I felt that weight as I stood on a stepping stool trying to carry big plastic containers from the top of the closet to the floor. What I thought was one box had become several boxes holding memories of my past.

I also felt the weight of going through these items one by one. Some pictures and letters reminded me of painful moments or of people who had hurt me. Some of them reminded me of younger versions of myself — some that made me uncomfortable. 

A part of me felt like if I threw all those things away, I was trying to erase my past as if it had never happened. 

Marie Kondo’s book offered this perspective:

“It is not our memories but the person we have become because of those past experiences that we should treasure … The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”

I decided that this was the moment to confront those memories, acknowledge them, and thank them for helping me become the person I am now. It was time to release those physical items and their weight. 

SEASONS CHANGE

What’s hard in one season of life will not be hard in another. So, whatever you’re going through right now, friend, know that this is just a season, and time will sort it out. There were many decisions I wasn’t capable of making 8 years ago when my dad died. 

I don’t regret having kept so many of my dad’s things because, at that time, keeping those things was a way of holding on to HIM. 

But my relationship with my dad has changed over the last few years. As we have gotten closer spiritually and metaphysically, some of his material possessions have lost their importance. At last, I could say goodbye to many of the things I was too afraid to part with before and thank them for the season they helped me cope. 

THERE IS GRIEF IN LETTING GO

A few days after I tossed many of my sentimental items, I woke up with a sense of regret, feeling a tightness in my chest and sadness at having made the wrong choice. I questioned everything I threw away and imagined scenarios in which it would have been important to keep those things. I blamed myself for having let Orlando take it all to the dump. 

Why couldn’t we have stored it in the garage for a few days to be sure?!

I shared these feelings with a friend who made me realize this is a normal part of the grieving process. Grief isn’t just about loss — it’s about change. Even good changes can be painful.

This wasn’t just about a box in the back of the closet. It was about releasing the past, letting go of the little girl I once was, and making space for the person I am now. It’s normal to encounter these emotions, but the good news is that they’re temporary. Once you allow yourself to experience the grief and see it as part of the evolution of your identity, those emotions lose their power.

COMPLETION DOES NOT MEAN FINISHED

This was not an easy or quick process, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was completely done. It was the same feeling as the day I finished writing my book. I had been writing for so long and I didn’t know exactly what the end was supposed to be. I remember writing the last sentence of the last chapter and thinking, “Is this really it? Am I done?” 

Truth is, I wasn’t “done” because there would still be more editing and tweaking — and I could have continued editing and tweaking forever. But there comes a point when you realize you have to decide that this is the finish line for this project.

Once I had gone through all the Marie Kondo categories, discarded so much, and moved the remaining things to my summer home without having to rent any additional storage space — my decluttering marathon felt complete.

But completing the project does not mean finishing the journey.

It’s like struggle with keeping the weight off. Even if you have a specific goal, like losing 10 pounds, completing that goal does not mean you’re finished making good eating choices. If as soon as you hit your mark, you revert to old habits, you’ll quickly gain the weight back.

When I first started reading Marie Kondo’s book, I couldn’t understand what she meant by tidying up once and for all. This felt like a gimmick. There will always be things to sort through and toss. It’s impossible that this will be the last time I have to declutter. 

But as the days passed, and I sorted through the never-ending piles of stuff, all I could think was: I never want to go through this experience again.

I now understand what Kondo meant. Yes, there will be times we will have accumulated some things and have some decisions to make. But never again like this. Because just like I changed my relationship with food 11 years ago, I have now changed my relationship with material things.

The beginning of a new mindset and approach.

I now only keep what brings me joy, serves our home, or what we use regularly.

I have also become much more intentional about using, and enjoying, the things I have.

For example, that article I’ve been saving to read, a green powder sample I got an event, essential oils I bought but never used. By choosing to keep less, I started using more. 

I’m reading the articles, drinking the powders, wearing the face masks, turning on the essential oils, playing the board games. I’m treating my things with a lot more care and respect, knowing that something is in my home, it has a purpose.