On Decluttering - Caroline de Posada

Inspiration · On Decluttering

When your Want turns to Reality

Back in April, I invited you to join me in our journey to remodeling our home. What had once been nothing more than a WISH had become something we really WANTED. Today, what was once something we WANTED has turned into REALITY.

On this Sacred Sunday, I am writing to you from my beautifully upgraded house, marveling at how magical it is when dreams come true.

Last night Orlando and I were talking about how this remodel had seemed like such a huge undertaking. It’s why it took us so long to pull the trigger, and why we even considered buying a different house to avoid the hassle.

5 months ago we were full of hopes, fears, and uncertainties. And yet here we are; we accomplished our goal and it wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought it would be.

I’ve spent the weekend enjoying the space, getting comfy by putting things in their place, and showing the house to our drop-in friends and family.

Do you want to see it too? Click on the video below and take a tour of our dream-come-true home!

Our home remodel

My hope is that you, too, turn your wants into realities and find sparks of bliss along the way.

Cheers to making dreams come to life!

September 4, 2023

Delayed Gratification · Inspiration · Mindset · On Decluttering · Success Skills

The value of a team

Happy Sacred Sunday,

I’m sitting on my couch, enjoying my lake view, sipping on my cafe con leche, and planning my upcoming week.

On my agenda, it reads in big bold letters: MOVING WEEK

In case you didn’t know, on June 1st, 2023, our Five Fingers moved out of our house to begin a remodel project. We rented a nearby lakehouse where we would spend the summer. Our project manager told us the project would take about 3 months.

You’re probably laughing now if you’ve ever had a home remodel or construction project or know someone who has..

“3 months! In your dreams, sister!” you might be thinking.

At least that’s what everyone, and I mean every single person I spoke to about this project, said to us.

We got laughs, cross-eyed looks, shaking heads, and lots of warnings.

“There is no way on God’s green Earth they will finish your house in 3 months. Just. Get. Ready. You’ll be lucky if you’re back home in a year.”

You may have been one of those people!

We were also quite doubtful, but hoped for the best.

Here we are, 4 days from our lakehouse lease expiring, and barring a few last-minute things, our house is ready.

What was once open-mouthed laughs have turned to big-eyes and dropped jaws.

There were a lot of factors that had to fall into place for this kind of outcome. But on this Sacred Sunday, I want to share with you the one that has impacted me the most:

The importance of having the right team to help you execute your visions and goals.

A team refers to a group of individuals with different skills and roles who collaborate and work together to achieve a common goal or objective. I’ve noticed that other than sports or corporations, people tend to gather individuals to accomplish goals, but they fail to build teams.

This happens often within the medical field. When an individual is unwell, they might require the expertise of multiple doctors to address various medical concerns. Doctors specialize in specific areas and give instructions and prescriptions based on their expertise.

Yet, the different doctors may suggest conflicting treatments, which could lead to more pain and complications for the patient..

That person is working with individuals — not a team working to form a comprehensive treatment strategy for them.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

Months before our remodel began, Orlando and I reached out to our friend, Elika, who was a project manager and interior designer.

Elika has a full team of subcontractors who work with her on her projects.

She warned we’d have to wait for two months before she could estimate the work, and it would take two more months for her team to start the project.

Luckily for us, Elika’s timeframe aligned perfectly with our goal of remodeling during the summer.

But when the time came for her to give us an estimate, we suffered from massive sticker shock.

The budget was way higher than we’d anticipated. We consulted with various friends and family who claimed it was too expensive. We got tons of suggestions of a great cabinet guy, or a great floor installer, or a great general contractor who was way cheaper.

I shared my concerns with Elika.

“I’m not the cheapest, nor the most expensive,” she replied. “But I know the value of my work and I know the results I produce. That’s why I charge what I charge.”

As a friend, she told me I’d save money if I managed the project on my own, but also told me the risks.

Then she explained her process.

Orlando and I had to decide what we valued more:

The price of the project, or
The timeframe of the project, the quality of the work, and the stress level during the project.

We had witnessed multiple people manage their own remodels, and we had heard their horror stories. We’d seen budgets blown, people fired, and projects paralyzed because people failed to do what they said they were going to do.

Neither Orlando and I had the skills, experience, or knowledge to manage a project like this.

Ultimately, we valued time, quality, and management more than price. We also believed that if Elika did what she promised she was going to do — in the long run we’d save money.

Elika became the visionary leader who would build a team to make our home more beautiful, comfortable, and practical.

She nailed it.

STARTING WITH CORE

Looking back at this experience, I’ve once again seen the power of using CORE to produce successful results.

CLARITY – As I just explained, the first critical step in this process was to get clear on what our priorities were.

ORGANIZATION – In this case, we delegated most of the organization of this project to Elika. She designed the structure and flow of all the moving parts to ensure they did the project during the summer months. But we also worked in tandem with her schedule. I used the two months waiting time for the project to begin as the time for my decluttering marathon.

It’s not that I had time to declutter — I made the time to declutter. I also made the time to make decisions that Elika needed me to make and follow her lead. The priority from April through September 2023 was our remodel, and we organized our entire life around that priority.

RESILIENCE – A home remodel is notoriously stressful. It can be borderline painful. But I am a firm believer that the quality of your experiences is determined by the perspective you approach it with. There were elements of this experience that were draining and stressful; things I didn’t want to do or enjoy doing; moments when the tension was high. But amidst those moments, we focused on staying grounded in the bigger picture and not losing perspective.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – Of the 4 CORE skills, I honestly think that having high emotional intelligence is your super power. I believe that success begins with your attitude. When you behave as if life is rigged in your favor; when you trust in your team and show them gratitude; when you express yourself with the underlying belief that everyone has your best interest at heart — people show up in that energy. Energy is contagious and you have such power to set the tone for the people around you. High emotional intelligence allows you to do that effectively.

Do the work, surrender the outcome

The day we signed the contract with our team, we knew we were taking a risk.

That’s why we signed a 6-month lease agreement in our lakehouse and negotiated a “no early termination fee” after 3 months. This would give us the opportunity to stay longer if necessary.

We also signed a contract with Elika with very clear provisions. There is a Spanish saying that goes, Cuentas claras conservan amistades. (Clear accounts maintain friendships).

We did our part and hoped that things would work out in our favor.

In this case, we had an ideal outcome. But that is not always the case. Things beyond our control could have delayed the project. The outcome could have been different than what it was — but outcomes are never within our control. That’s why I don’t define success by the result. I define success by the process.

In the last few months, I have seen the power in this process:

Building the team.

Doing the work.

Focusing on CORE.

Surrendering the outcome.

Finding sparks of BLISS along the way.

Today, I want you to think about the goals you’re trying to achieve and the process you are using to accomplish them.

Are you trying to do it all alone, or have you built a team to help your visions become a reality? Having the right team will make all the difference.

August 27, 2023

Don't eat the marshmallow yet - delayed gratification

On Decluttering

The last step in letting go

It’s 10:47am on Friday morning and Randy Gage is speaking at his event, Tribal. It’s the last of this intense, 5-day, 15-hour-per-day, event.

He’s talking about how to create a bestseller campaign for an upcoming book. Suddenly I’m transported to my garage which is stacked with boxes filled with thousands of copies of No Te Comas El Marshmallow…Todavia! (my dad’s book in Spanish.)

A knowing rushes over me.

It’s time.

My eyes well up.

I don’t understand why this is happening to me right now.

I try to change the channel in my head. “Focus on what Randy is saying,” I tell myself.

But the voice in my head persists.

It’s time, Caro.

What you don’t know about my decluttering marathon:

As you know, I spent a couple of months “Marie-Kondoing” my house. I sorted through every item in my home, including old letters, pictures, and sentimental items.

But there was one “stack” left untouched—the boxes of my dad’s books that I had inherited when he died.

My father had bought about 3,000 copies of his books in Spanish from the publisher at a great “author’s discount.” His intention was to sell them at his speaking events across South and Latin America.

When he became too ill to speak or travel, the books were left to collect dust at his house—until I brought them to collect dust at mine.

My plan had always been to carry on my father’s legacy; I also planned to sell those books.

But eight years later, those boxes remain in my garage, stacked one on top of another. They drive my minimalist husband nuts, although he walks on eggshells about it. This is one of those sensitive topics he can’t touch, but I know how much those boxes bother him.

I didn’t consider these books part of my mess. I considered them part of my

mission. And that’s why I didn’t address them during my decluttering marathon. It was easier to let them linger in my subconscious.

Unexpected Realizations

It’s fascinating how thoughts rise to the surface in the most unexpected moments. I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about my dad’s books; I was supposed to be thinking about my future books, my future projects, my work.

I’d been searching for a big breakthrough. What’s going to be my next big body of work? What’s the word/theme that defines what I do? Where am I going with my business?

But rather than the moment of clarity I was hoping for, I got:

“It’s time to get rid of those books.”

If my inner knowing was a person, I would have punched him and yelled, “Seriously?”

I hadn’t realized what those boxes of books had become.

When I first started this work, I thought my purpose was to not let my father’s work die. I didn’t want the world to forget him. But there was more: I also didn’t want to lose my dad’s world—a world I had loved having a front-row seat in. I knew that if I kept working as a lawyer, I’d eventually lose contact with it all.

As the years passed, the goal of not letting my dad’s work die expanded into a deeper understanding that I have a purpose of my own. I, too, have to work to do here—and it’s different from my dad’s.

Stepping into that truth has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do because of my fierce loyalty to him and my desire to never leave him behind.

Do you hear the noise even when it’s quiet?

One thing I learned from Marie Kondo’s tidying up process of is how material things affect us energetically. She mentions that there are “… storage spaces of homes that feel noisy even though they look very neat on the surface.” She cautions readers not to underestimate the noise of written information (found in labels, tags, etc.). “The words become static that fills the air.”

Because my dad’s books were tucked away in the garage, I didn’t think they would affect me.

And yet, even though I was 200 miles away from home, the noise inside those boxes became too loud for me to ignore.

I had to confront the reality that I would never launch a campaign in Latin America to sell those books. As much as I love the books my dad wrote, it is time for me to focus on my work.

It is time to let his books go and I have to forgive myself for that.

What are you holding on to?

Sometimes we hold on to baggage that blocks us from moving forward.

Sometimes that baggage isn’t even ours to carry.

But we hold on to it anyway because we’re so close to it, we think it’s ours.

I held on to the work my dad didn’t get to finish, hoping I could do it for him when I was ready.

“That’s it, Caro. It’s time,” was so loud and powerful I could not ignore it.

Suddenly I knew those books were not my baggage to carry. My father had done the work he was supposed to do in his lifetime. He did the work, wrote the books, left the legacy.

I could hear his voice:

You need the space for your books, my love. The project is big. Get to work!

Despite how embarrassed I was to sob in front of my 12 co-masterminders and Randy, I am grateful for the moment of clarity I had in that conference room.

Before I move back into my house this summer, I will part ways with all those boxes of No Te Comas El Marshmallow … Todavia!

If you want any of these Spanish books or know of a Spanish University or library who might want them, let me know.

Like my dad said at the end of his life, “The cycle is now complete.”

And in this final act of saying goodbye to his boxes of books, I acknowledge that completeness.

Now my real work begins.

August 1, 2023

Delayed Gratification · Inspiration · Mindset · On Decluttering · Success Skills

Changing your baseline

Last week, I was already in bed dozing off when I received a text from my old friend Lucy that read:

“I honestly feel so overwhelmed with so much crap in this house.”

With each buzz, my phone revealed yet another snippet from her current situation.

“My entire house is upside down. There’s stuff everywhere.”

“Tonight I just started screaming at my family because I feel they don’t help me at all!”

“I’m always throwing stuff away, but it’s never enough. It comes in at a much faster pace than I can get rid of.”

The struggle

Text after text, I knew exactly how Lucy felt. Until a few weeks ago, I had felt that way often. Clutter would accumulate in my house for weeks or months and I’d let it go until one day I’d snap. Then I’d call in my best friend, who is a professional organizer, for what she referred to as one of my “fire drills.”

Nicole would help me organize the area that was bothering me (the kids’ playroom, bedroom, my office, etc) which would put me at ease for a few months until the cycle repeated itself.

It’s not that I wouldn’t try to keep it up. Nic would teach me things like how to categorize my kids’ toys and how to create a “home” for each category.

“All you have to do is put things back in their place, Caro. And teach the boys to do the same!”

It seemed so simple.

But somewhere along the way, the system would break down.

Like in Lucy’s house, items would creep into our home that I had no category or home for and make themselves comfortable on my kitchen counter for weeks at a time; My kids’ friends would leave their stuff in my house; The nanny would put things where they didn’t belong, confusing all of us; Or there were things that required action (to return, or mail, or give to someone) and I wouldn’t find the time to take the action I needed to take.

These life interruptions, exceptions, or excuses (however you want to refer to it) would give us permission to revert to our old habits and ways. I’d be able to keep up with some of Nicole’s systems, but not enough of them to keep the house in order.

Is this just the way we are?

This cycle went on for years. Nic would come to my house to help me organize, knowing this was only a temporary solution. Not because her system was flawed — but because we were.

“The system can’t maintain itself,” she’d roll her eyes.

I had believed clutter was unavoidable because of my family size and lifestyle.

In the book series, The life-changing magic of tidying up and Spark Joy, Marie Kondo claims that if you follow her system, you’ll tidy up “once and for all.”

I didn’t believe her.

Just like Lucy, I had attempted to declutter a gazillion times! I’d thrown away bags of things, I’d hired the professional organizer, I’d yelled at the kids and pleaded with the nanny. I felt like I had tried “everything.”

I couldn’t understand how Marie Kondo’s system could change all the “external” factors that contributed to my clutter.

When desire trumps limiting beliefs.

Even though I didn’t believe or understand Marie Kondo, I desired the vision she created in her book.

I desired to be more minimalist.

I desired to be more organized.

I desired to live in a neat, clean, and clutter-free space.

Because those desires were stronger than my limiting beliefs, I decided to follow the Konmari Method to a T.

Do long enough to become.

At first I just obeyed Kondo’s instructions:

Follow this specific order.

Identify the things that spark joy.

Tidy up by category, not by room.

Do it all once. Don’t stop until you’ve gone through every item in the house!

That last instruction changed everything.

It’s not that I hadn’t tried these things before — Nicole had already taught me a lot about what I was learning in this book. It’s that I hadn’t followed through long enough to BECOME the kind of person who IS TIDY.

It’s no different from changing your eating habits. Most diets teach the same tricks with different variations. Most people will follow a diet for a little while, maybe lose a little weight, and then external factors will give them permission to revert to old habits. They view eating healthy as a short-term sacrifice.

But those that can push through the short-term sacrifice to create a lifestyle — those are the ones that BECOME healthy eaters. Their taste buds change, their cravings change, and their default thinking changes. Those are the ones who break the never-ending cycles of weight loss and weight gain.

The more items we held in our hands, decisions we made to toss or keep, and categories we conquered, the more we changed.

What made all the difference.

As I read Lucy’s texts and relived her reality, it finally dawned on me why this stopped happening to me.

Lucy couldn’t keep up with the incoming “stuff” because her baseline was already “too much stuff.”

Even if she got rid of a few bags of clothes, shoes, or toys, she has too much stuff. She often gets rid of the overflow, which makes her feel better, but because her cup is still full, anything new that comes in quickly becomes overflow again. Hence, the vicious cycle.

By tackling our entire house in one swoop, we emptied the container so much that we are no longer at risk of overflowing.

Now that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t start filling the container and get to the point of overflow again — of course we could. But when we created so much space in the container, something magical happened:

We experienced peace.

The peace I envisioned when I read Marie Kondo’s books and studied Joshua Becker’s Becoming Minimalist philosophy; The peace I longed for each time I tried to declutter.

Suddenly, that peace was real, and it felt amazing. I was no longer worried about the “stuff” I had to get rid of. Instead, I focused on enjoying the space we had created and the things we had kept.

Preserving that peaceful feeling has inspired me to take action on things quicker than I used to; To put things in its place immediately, and to discard anything in our home that no longer sparks joy.

Changing the baseline changes the effort level

I’ve noticed it no longer requires so much thought, effort, or energy to be organized, just like it no longer requires thought, effort, or energy to eat healthy.

A client of mine told me once that the thing that discourages her from being consistent in losing weight is that she feels she’s going to have to work at it forever.

What she doesn’t yet understand, like Lucy and I didn’t understand, and you may not yet understand … is that you do have to work at it forever, but not in the way you’re working at it now.

Because right now, every action and decision requires an enormous amount of thought, effort and energy. Right now, it’s hard because you’re still married to underlying beliefs, stories, and habits that have defined you for far too long. Right now, you’ve only just begun doing, and you haven’t yet mastered the becoming.

You’re still trying to eliminate or stop the overflow, rather than enjoying and protecting your new reality.

But if you stick it out. If you don’t quit too soon. If you focus on changing the baseline, I promise you; it gets so much easier. You will enjoy the reality you’ve longed for and dreamt about for so long. The reality you think only others get to have, because they’re different from you.

You will become different, too.

If you want to change the baselines in your life that are keeping you stuck, I can help.

For a limited time, you can work with me 1:1 for a one time session. Although one session will not change your baseline, it will give you the clarity you need to get started. And the only way to mastering change, is to start.

June 25, 2023

On Decluttering

Lessons of Letting Go

I did it. I completed my decluttering marathon. If you’re new here, or you’re not caught up with the latest, you can read what got me started on this journey here, and more about the entire decluttering process here and here.

Today, I want to share with you some of the last few lessons I learned from this experience hoping it may serve you in whatever chapter you’re in your life.

TRUST THE PROCESS ALL THE WAY THROUGH

Of all the things I sorted through in my decluttering marathon, the category that took the longest and most energy, by far, was “sentimental items.”

Pictures, letters, and mementos took me back to different eras of my life, from childhood to college. Some things were easy to toss. But others required a lot of consideration.

I almost abandoned this part of the process. Remember that the original intention of this project was to get ready for the remodel. A friend of mine questioned me.“What’s the point of going into this kind of detail? Who cares if you have a few boxes of mementos? That doesn’t take up that much space!”

She wasn’t wrong. I didn’t have to go through this ordeal to clear up the house for the remodel.

But although the impetus for this project was to empty the house, the outcome I was trying to achieve was to BECOME DIFFERENT.

I wanted to become a person who doesn’t accumulate clutter — EVER.

I wanted to become more organized in my home.

I wanted to become more rationally minimalist.

Sometimes we start a process intending to make permanent changes. But we modify the process, skip parts of it, or quit midway through. Then when we go back to our old ways, we convince ourselves that we “tried” and it just didn’t work

I caught myself wanting to create excuses to speed up the process. I’ve done so much already. I could always come back to this at another time. This is too tedious for right now. I just need to focus on the big stuff.

I chose not to accept those thoughts and believe that to truly change, I had to TRUST THE PROCESS ALL THE WAY THROUGH. That meant pushing through the tedious, hard stuff no matter how long it took.

PUTTING THE PAST IN ORDER IS HEALING

In The life-changing magic of tidying up, Marie Kondo writes, “By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. If you just stow these things away in a drawer or cardboard box, before you realize it, your past will become a weight that holds you back and keeps you from living in the here and now.”

I felt that weight as I stood on a stepping stool trying to carry big plastic containers from the top of the closet to the floor. What I thought was one box had become several boxes holding memories of my past.

I also felt the weight of going through these items one by one. Some pictures and letters reminded me of painful moments or of people who had hurt me. Some of them reminded me of younger versions of myself — some that made me uncomfortable.

A part of me felt like if I threw all those things away, I was trying to erase my past as if it had never happened.

Marie Kondo’s book offered this perspective:

“It is not our memories but the person we have become because of those past experiences that we should treasure … The space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past.”

I decided that this was the moment to confront those memories, acknowledge them, and thank them for helping me become the person I am now. It was time to release those physical items and their weight.

SEASONS CHANGE

What’s hard in one season of life will not be hard in another. So, whatever you’re going through right now, friend, know that this is just a season, and time will sort it out. There were many decisions I wasn’t capable of making 8 years ago when my dad died.

I don’t regret having kept so many of my dad’s things because, at that time, keeping those things was a way of holding on to HIM.

But my relationship with my dad has changed over the last few years. As we have gotten closer spiritually and metaphysically, some of his material possessions have lost their importance. At last, I could say goodbye to many of the things I was too afraid to part with before and thank them for the season they helped me cope.

THERE IS GRIEF IN LETTING GO

A few days after I tossed many of my sentimental items, I woke up with a sense of regret, feeling a tightness in my chest and sadness at having made the wrong choice. I questioned everything I threw away and imagined scenarios in which it would have been important to keep those things. I blamed myself for having let Orlando take it all to the dump.

Why couldn’t we have stored it in the garage for a few days to be sure?!

I shared these feelings with a friend who made me realize this is a normal part of the grieving process. Grief isn’t just about loss — it’s about change. Even good changes can be painful.

This wasn’t just about a box in the back of the closet. It was about releasing the past, letting go of the little girl I once was, and making space for the person I am now. It’s normal to encounter these emotions, but the good news is that they’re temporary. Once you allow yourself to experience the grief and see it as part of the evolution of your identity, those emotions lose their power.

COMPLETION DOES NOT MEAN FINISHED

This was not an easy or quick process, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was completely done. It was the same feeling as the day I finished writing my book. I had been writing for so long and I didn’t know exactly what the end was supposed to be. I remember writing the last sentence of the last chapter and thinking, “Is this really it? Am I done?”

Truth is, I wasn’t “done” because there would still be more editing and tweaking — and I could have continued editing and tweaking forever. But there comes a point when you realize you have to decide that this is the finish line for this project.

Once I had gone through all the Marie Kondo categories, discarded so much, and moved the remaining things to my summer home without having to rent any additional storage space — my decluttering marathon felt complete.

But completing the project does not mean finishing the journey.

It’s like struggle with keeping the weight off. Even if you have a specific goal, like losing 10 pounds, completing that goal does not mean you’re finished making good eating choices. If as soon as you hit your mark, you revert to old habits, you’ll quickly gain the weight back.

When I first started reading Marie Kondo’s book, I couldn’t understand what she meant by tidying up once and for all. This felt like a gimmick. There will always be things to sort through and toss. It’s impossible that this will be the last time I have to declutter.

But as the days passed, and I sorted through the never-ending piles of stuff, all I could think was: I never want to go through this experience again.

I now understand what Kondo meant. Yes, there will be times we will have accumulated some things and have some decisions to make. But never again like this. Because just like I changed my relationship with food 11 years ago, I have now changed my relationship with material things.

The beginning of a new mindset and approach.

I now only keep what brings me joy, serves our home, or what we use regularly.

I have also become much more intentional about using, and enjoying, the things I have.

For example, that article I’ve been saving to read, a green powder sample I got an event, essential oils I bought but never used. By choosing to keep less, I started using more.

I’m reading the articles, drinking the powders, wearing the face masks, turning on the essential oils, playing the board games. I’m treating my things with a lot more care and respect, knowing that something is in my home, it has a purpose.

THE AFTERMATH

There is something special about undertaking a new challenge whether it’s training for a marathon, fasting, writing a book, doing something you were once afraid of doing, or tidying your home. In the aftermath of completing any one of these (or any other) goals, you realize you’re not the same person who started out on this journey. Your mindset, perspective, habits, and beliefs change. Your possibilities change.

I am not the same person I was two months ago. I’ve created a lot more space for the person I am becoming, and for that I am deeply grateful.

Now, tell me, what challenges are you tackling in this season? What are you letting go of and making space for?

Know that I’m cheering you on and I believe in your possibilities. Trust the process and don’t give up. You’ll thank me when you’re on the other side of it.

June 12, 2023

On Decluttering

Changing the intention changes the outcome

It’s been a month and a week since we began our tidying up marathon. What started as a goal to declutter our house efficiently before our remodel has turned into a life-changing experience.

Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.” That means in order to solve a problem, you need to approach it with a different mindset or perspective than the one that led to the problem.

I began this project as I have many times in the past: randomly choosing items to discard or keep. I see the same pattern with many of my clients who struggle with weight loss. They’ll decide Monday morning they’re going to start a diet the same way they have started a diet a thousand times in the past.

It’s not that the actions are wrong — but when our mindset is not equipped to support those actions, they don’t generate the best results.

I understood I was reengaging in old (and unsuccessful) patterns, and that’s what prompted me to listen to Marie Kondo’s audiobook, Spark Joy.

Changing the Intention Changes the Outcome

One thing Marie Kondo does in her book that completely changed the way I approach my material possessions is that she humanizes them. She gives “things” purpose by assigning them the privilege and responsibility to spark joy. She also imputes emotions they may feel when we treat them a certain way.

At first, this notion seems ridiculous. Inanimate objects couldn’t possibly have feelings! And yet, her detailed descriptions of these things and what they feel changed the way I treated them. Click here to watch a hilarious video of how this affected my husband also.

When my clients begin their wellness journey, I teach them to treat themselves and their bodies as something sacred — to be cherished, cared for, and protected. Marie Kondo offers this same perspective shift as it relates to the material world.

Changing the energy of how I view my possessions allows me to better choose whether I keep, donate, or discard them. I no longer want to keep items tucked away in a box collecting dust because I may use them one day, because they once meant something to me. I’m also working on letting go of things that are connected to expectations rather than reality (more of that below).

Rather, I want to give everything I own the opportunity to fulfill its purpose of sparking joy (if not for me, then for someone else). Likewise, if the item’s time is up, it deserves permission to rest.

I am now treating my house, and all the material things that live in it, with the same sacredness I encourage others to treat their mind, body, and soul.

That intention, my friend, changes everything.

Spreading Joy

The other day, I stopped at my local library to drop off a few more boxes of books. Amongst them was a gorgeous Harry Potter pop-up book and a Harry Potter spell book. These two were a tough giveaway. Orly had loved reading the Harry Potter series a few years back. I’ve always longed for my kids to be readers, but my other two boys have never shown interest. I remember putting that pop-up book in a bin in the center of our kitchen table to entice them to browse through it. They did — one time. We took the boys to see Harry Potter in the West End in London and thought that might inspire them to read the books. No luck. As we went through our library collection, I’d show them the books and they’d dismissively tell me, “It doesn’t spark joy.” I sadly conceded and removed the books from the “keep” pile.

The librarian grabbed the paper grocery bag filled to the top with books and gasped when she saw the Harry Potter pop-up book laying at the top.

“Are you a Harry Potter fan?” I asked.

“My sister is. She has an entire library of Harry Potter things. She would die if she saw these books!”

I immediately grabbed the books out of the bag and handed them back to her.

“Please gift this book to your sister and tell her I hope it brings her a lot of joy!”

The young girl’s ear to ear smile filled my heart with gratitude.

I could have kept those books in my library untouched and unappreciated to feed the illusion that one day my kids may develop a love of reading. But the reality is those books couldn’t fulfill their true purpose of sparking joy in my home.

When the day comes that my boys find a series they want to read, my home will welcome those books with open arms.

Until then, we’ll carry on and focus on sparking and spreading joy.

Getting to Clarity

As we go through this process, I am gaining a lot of clarity about myself, my family, and my home. I am paying close attention, for I know there are lessons here.

And speaking of clarity, tomorrow at 11am Susan Ford Collins and I will be talking about getting to clarity when you’re in a state of BLUR.

Click here to save a spot and listen in. It’s going to be a fascinating conversation!

May 30, 2023

On Decluttering

Define Joy

Last week, I shared with you we are finally tackling our home remodeling project. With newfound excitement, Orlando and I whipped out the calendar and started coordinating.

The plan was to work backward and pace ourselves to avoid overwhelm: If demolition starts on this day, then we have to move out on this day, which means we have to do this and this and this on these days.

Shortly thereafter, the decluttering and packing process began. I started with kitchen appliances and other items, such as platters, vases, candleholders and decorative items. I had once read Marie Kondo’s: The Magic Of Tidying Up and I vaguely remembered when decluttering how important it is to gather items by categories, not rooms so you could see how much you really have of something before you decide to keep it or discard it.

Becoming Minimalist

“You talk a big game, Caro” my husband lay the flattened boxes in the center of the garage. “Let’s see just how “minimalist” you really are. This is your super bowl!”

The minimalist movement has always fascinated me. Not so much the idea of stripping down your belongings to 100 items or fewer kind of movement, but more the “rational minimalism” philosophy. In his book, Simplify, Joshua Becker notes that upon entering his home, you may never know that minimalists live there, and yet everything in their home serves a purpose or is something they love.

Joshua Becker defines minimalism as “the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.”

Although I’ve been slowly adopting that philosophy for a long time, I often get stuck in the weeds. I keep things because of sentimental value or because I may need them someday. Oh, and I’m always hanging on to bags of things waiting to give them to the right person. Rather than decluttering, I just move stuff to their eternal holding places — the garage or the trunk of my minivan.

This drives my husband crazy. He is gifted with a ruthless detachment to material things. In the past, he has placed deadlines for me to find the perfect person who needs my donations before it disappears from our home. “You’ve got until Friday at 10am. Then don’t ask me where it went,” he’ll warn.

So here we are sharing a common goal — only keep what we’ll love or need in our new home and get rid of the rest — although Orlando is better equipped to make that happen.

Back to Basics

Whenever I begin a new project or have a new goal, the first thing I do is work on my mindset about it. I love to read books and listen to podcasts on the things I’m focused on at that moment. The experts keep me motivated and tunnel-visioned in accomplishing my goals.

I browsed through Marie Kondo’s Tidying book and Becker’s Simplify again as my way of getting back to the basics. I also started listening to Kondo’s new audiobook, Spark Joy, on my library app to clarify on some questions I had from her first book.

The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t following Marie’s order of categories to tidy which is:

Clothing.
Books.
Papers.
Komono (Miscellaneous items): This category includes everything else that is not clothing, books, or papers, such as kitchen utensils, electronic devices, toys, and even small furniture pieces.
Sentimental items.

I had begun with the Komono, but quickly switched over to tackle my clothes instead. I wanted to follow Kondo’s method as precisely as possible to set myself up for success. Kondo claims that “Once you have experienced what it’s like to have a truly ordered house, you’ll feel your whole world brighten. Never again will you revert to clutter.”

When the student is ready

In re-reading this material, I quickly realized how much I’d missed the first time. There is a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. The first time I came across this information, it was enough to spark tweaks and adjustments to my lifestyle — but I wasn’t ready to fully absorb the information.

That’s why it’s so important to always plant seeds in people’s minds. The seeds take time to take root and sprout. They need to be watered, nurtured, but also left alone to bloom in their own timing.

What to Keep

One thing I didn’t grasp the first time was that Marie’s criteria isn’t focused on what to get rid of. According to her, discarding alone does not bring joy to your life. The focus is on what you want to keep. Those may seem like the same, but the difference was huge to me.

I’d always thought that the only way to declutter and be minimalist was to get rid of a lot of stuff.

That left me wondering how much was too much. How many pj’s should I own? What about jeans or shoes? What if I have a few items of a similar category that I love? Do I have to choose between them because I don’t need that many? Should I keep only what fits in the box I had for the items?

What if I eliminated too much? Would that give me permission to fill the empty spaces with newer things? (I think this last question is the one that makes “decluttering” a never-ending ordeal. Getting rid of some things gives us permission to accumulate new things until it’s time to declutter again.)

But now I understand that the goal is simply to create a living environment filled with things you love.

I could keep whatever I wanted to keep — but if I kept it — it better be for good reason.

Define Joy

If you mention the Marie Kondo method to almost anyone, their likely response is, “Oh, that’s the joy lady who kisses and thanks her stuff as she gets rid of it.”

She has become quite popular for her unconventional approach to materialistic things. According to the Japanese tidying guru, keeping only the things that spark joy at least once in your life is an important step towards creating a more joyful and fulfilling life.

I wanted nothing more than to use her joy standard. But as I sat in a mound of clothes, I did not know what sparked joy.

I’d hold a garment in my hand and would feel nothing. I couldn’t even tell if I liked it, much less if it sparked joy.

I caught myself wanting to take pictures of my outfits, send to my friends, and ask them if I should keep those items or not. I justified my indecision with the excuse that “I’m not fashionable.”

But the more I sat there and wrestled with my clothes, the more I observed things about myself. For example, since I’m not a huge shopper, most of my clothes are gifts either from my mom or other people.

I often wear things because they’ve been given to me, not because I love them. As I sorted, I was drawn to some pieces more than others — and most of those were ones I had bought! But I was so used to deferring my choices to what other people like that I had stopped trusting myself.

During our vision board workshops, we have our guests do a joy audit worksheet. For some, this is an easy exercise. But many have lost touch with the activities, events, and or things that bring them joy — usually because they spend all of their time either working or taking care of other people. The joy audit encourages people to pay close attention from that moment on to what brings them joy.

It’s time for me to do this as well with the things I own. What started as a goal to minimize packing has become an opportunity to go deeper. It’s time to pay attention and be more mindful. This is my chance to get to know myself better and step into a more confident, decisive version of myself — one that can easily define what sparks joy.

This may just be my super bowl after all.

What about you? Are you creating a life that sparks joy? Do you know how to define that? Let me know in the comments!

May 8, 2023

Inspiration · On Decluttering · Productivity · Success Skills

When your Wish Turns to Want

For the last few years, everyone who knows me well and frequents my home has urged me to remodel my kitchen. 8 ½ years ago, we moved into a home that was livable and in great condition, although it hadn’t been renovated. Orlando and I were content living in the space as it was and not spending money just to make it more aesthetically pleasing.

But things have changed.

The kitchen is no longer just a little outdated. Most of the appliances stopped working. Cabinets are breaking down here and there. It’s like the kitchen went on strike to force us into upgrading the space.

We often entertained the idea of doing quick fixes here and there, but they used cast-iron pipes for our plumbing system. Every discussion involving an upgrade to the kitchen ended abruptly when we got to the part of “if we do that, then we have to replace the cast-iron pipes.”

WISHING vs. WANTING

My husband always says there’s a huge difference between wishing for something and wanting it.

We both wished we could have a nice remodeled home with a beautiful kitchen. But we didn’t want it bad enough to have to:

Move out of our home
Start a construction project
Spend so much money
Disrupt our comfortable lives

The process seemed so daunting and overwhelming that it was easier to procrastinate. We found workarounds like using our portable griddle to cook almost everything and constantly buying ice bags to compensate for our broken ice machine.

We all complained about how annoying it all was — but that kind of discomfort seemed way easier than the overhaul we were up against.

CREATING A VISION

One Sunday afternoon in April two years ago, I created my vision board. My friends urged me to paste images of a beautiful kitchen on the board.

“You need to do this, Caro!” they said as they staged an intervention. “Maybe if you see it on your board, you’ll finally get inspired to get it done.”

I obeyed. Every time I looked at the board, it reminded me the time was coming for me to conquer this challenge. But I wasn’t quite ready yet.

The following April I went through the vision board process again. Rather than creating a new board, I added to my current board knowing that I wasn’t ready to move on to a new vision yet.

WHEN THE UNIVERSE GIVES YOU CLARITY

The C in CORE stands for Clarity. When you’re trying to achieve a goal, it is essential to know why you wish to achieve that goal, what your definition of success is, and why this goal matters to you.

Even though some things may seem obvious to everyone around you, your judgment is clouded by fear, excuses, and not wanting it bad enough. That’s where we were at with the state of our home.

That’s when the Universe offered us two back-to-back events that cleared things up.

THE FOR SALE SIGN

I was driving down a street I drive by daily on the way to my house and noticed a for sale sign. There was a house for sale in a cul-de-sac my husband has always loved.

I immediately drove in to see which of the houses was for sale. It wasn’t the house Orlando liked the most, but it was in the pocket neighborhood that always caught his attention. I called to find out what the asking price was.

The price sounded outrageous, but my next thought was, “what if we can make it happen?”

Over the next few days, I began crunching numbers to see what we could get for our house, how much we’d have to put as a down payment, and what the monthly mortgage and tax payments would be.

The house was move-in ready. Upgrading to a nicer and bigger house without remodeling was attractive.

But the more we considered it, the more we came to the same realization. We could afford the house, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

Orlando and I value financial freedom. We love traveling and experiences way more than fancy things. And we like our house a lot!

During family dinner, we were discussing the options with our kids when my oldest said, “Why would you spend all that money to move to another house when we love our house? Wouldn’t it make more sense just to invest a fraction of that money and fix what needs to be fixed here?”

That made perfect sense, and it was exactly what we needed to hear.

For a moment, I had thought that the house for sale in a neighborhood my husband had always loved might be a sign that it was time to expand into a bigger space. But what the for sale sign really did was give us an opportunity to reframe the negative outlook we had on remodeling and embrace the hassle and the expense with newfound clarity.

AN AUTHENTIC HOME

For years, my RejuvaFAST partner, Dr. Sanchez, had raved about his brother’s parties. “He always has amazing food and wine and everyone has the best time. Oh, and he has a wood-fired oven and we make homemade pizzas with the highest quality ingredients. One day you have to come.”

Finally, the day came that Orlando and I got to go to this famous pizza party.

The experience was beyond what I could have imagined.

The first thing we saw as we entered through the front door was a large, open living area with blue and purple-colored lighting, and a mix of concrete and wood walls and ceilings. Carrots and radishes with a delicious hummus served as delicious appetizers.

The kitchen carried a restaurant vibe with exposed cabinets, top of the line appliances, and a vast mess of ingredients and gadgets for a true culinary chef. It led to the backyard wooden deck where the wood-fired oven stood. Teddy, the owner of the home, greeted us holding a large pizza peel, and carefully flipping the home-made dough.

The rest of the yard felt like an enchanted forest, each section revealing new and fun surprises including a home-made ping-pong table, a sauna, cold plunge tub, and a non-chlorine pool that has its own ecosystem, live algae, and little fish at the bottom. Tiny string lights, wonderful music, and interesting people chatting and laughing created the perfect atmosphere for this majestic, albeit messy, home.

This was an organic, unique, and authentic expression of the way this family lives, and what they value.

As we drove home that evening, Orlando and I talked about how much we wanted our home to be an accurate representation of who we are and what we value. The problem is that the space had stopped representing us because with everything breaking down, we could no longer enjoy it like we used to.

Attending that party just days after our encounter with that very expensive house felt like a dose of synchronicity.

It occurred to me that the only way to have an authentic home is to create it. You create it by investing in the things you value, adjusting the space to fit your needs, and filling the house with the people and atmosphere you most desire.

It turns out I don’t want a “turnkey” home I can move into. I want to create a home that represents our family, values, and priorities.

That is all the expansion we want right now.

What comes after the Moment of Clarity

We now get to approach our home remodel project with a fresh perspective. We have begun Organizing our lives around this goal, and are tapping into our Resilience and Emotional Intelligence to stay grounded and centered amongst the chaos that this will inevitably cause.

When your wish turns to want, the want is more powerful than the hassle it takes to get it.

Once we had true clarity, everything started to align and flow naturally, which I’ve noticed is a common theme of living with a CORE mindset.

So, are you ready to go on this journey with us? I’m going to do my best to keep you posted about the magic and the lessons that unfold along the way.

April 28, 2023