I wrote a post on Instagram about feeling blah. I had spent the whole day in pajamas, not doing much, and rather than feeling rested or relaxed, I felt uneasy and anxious.
In that post, I mentioned that in the past when I had free time, I’d use it to organize my house or declutter a closet or drawer or something. But now that my house is in order, we don’t have clutter to sort through.
Decluttering and remodeling our house was such an extraordinary accomplishment for us — but the aftermath has stirred up an unexpected emotion — anxiety.
It makes no sense.
Our home is beautiful and all our belongings are in order. The energy of the house is warm, cozy, and peaceful. The functionality of the house makes daily living so practical and convenient.
I had dreamed of what this was going to feel and look like.
And now, I am living a dream come true!
Why then, am I having bouts of uneasiness?
(I say bouts because, just like I experience sparks of bliss, I also experience bouts of anxiety. Emotions are not a permanent state of being. But when we experience certain emotions (like anxiety) we attach ourselves to them as if that is our only state of being, which is not the case.)
Anyway, I’ve been pondering this and these are my thoughts.
THE COMFORT OF CHAOS
A chaotic life tricks you into thinking you’re productive, because you’re so busy all the time.
A chaotic life gives you a reason to not do important things, because you’re too consumed by taking care of urgent things. Important things usually require focus and discipline. Urgent things are great excuses to avoid focus and discipline.
We think that chaos is something that happens to us and is beyond our control, but it’s often a habit we reinforce with our lifestyle.
The decluttering and remodeling process added to the chaotic life I already had as a wife, mom of 3 boys and a business woman. Although that seemed like a lot, I am familiar with all the juggling.
What I didn’t realize was how much chaos the completion of the project would REMOVE.
Suddenly, we had accomplished this huge goal, and life was simpler. There were systems in place. There was much less stuff to deal with. Everything was in order.
It was so peaceful — and unfamiliar.
Without all the running around and juggling a million different things at once, I now had time to deal with the parts of my life (like my business) that required longer focus. That has been hard and uncomfortable to do.
THE INTERRUPTED HABIT LOOP
When you accomplish a huge goal, it interrupts your habit loops. Take decluttering as an example.
If you’re like most people, decluttering is something you always have to do. Like my girlfriend says, “for every 5 things I throw out, 10 more come through the door.” So you get into a habit — you create clutter, then you get rid of some, and then you add some more and the process goes on and on.
But according to the Marie Kondo methodology, when you tidy up all in one big swoop — you break the cycle. I didn’t understand how that was possible at first. But I went for it, and she’s right. That huge overhaul changed my mindset and my behavior as it relates to material things.
At first, this experience sparked joy and creativity. It made me feel free and liberated.
But after a while, I have caught myself wanting to go back to the struggle. Meaning, part of me wants to go back to the days when I could use the excuse that I couldn’t deal with anything until I organized the closet, or picked up the messy room, etc.
Why?
Because spending a day working on a closet offers immediate gratification. And the space I’ve created is challenging me to work on things that don’t offer immediate gratification. 
I am now creating new habit loops that require less urgency and more strategic focus. That’s expansive and oh, so uncomfortable.
Lastly, there’s the DOPAMINE CRASH OF SUCCESS
As I was getting close to finishing my first book, Looking Over the Edge, my editor and dear friend, Dave, called me to warn me.
“This is a huge goal you’ve been working on for a long time,” he said. “You may encounter some post-partum depression.”
Whether you’ve written a book, birthed a baby, climbed a mountain, lost a significant amount of weight, or decluttered your house — you’ve successfully completed something that has consumed so much of your mental, physical and emotional energy for quite some time.
When the adrenaline of the journey wears off, and you settle into the new normal — it’s often met with a dopamine crash.
It’s part of the paradox of being human.
It’s also why we must always keep learning, growing and evolving. Because the greatest joy is usually found in the journey.
My word for this year was EXPAND. And I am definitely feeling the expansion of this year. I just wanted you to know that expansion comes with discomfort. Success comes with hiccups. Life comes with a mix of emotions and experiences.
There’s nothing wrong with that … or with me .. or with YOU. It’s part of the human journey 
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So today, pay attention to what’s going on in your life. Are you using chaos as an excuse to not tackle your goals? Is it time to interrupt your habit loops? Or are you in the post-partum phase of a huge goal?
Whatever it is, I just want to remind you to pay attention. There are lessons for you here.
