Happy Sacred Sunday!
Have you ever longed for a moment so excitedly and attached so much expectation to it, only to feel like it didn’t turn out to be what you thought it would be?
Expectations are often the grand assassins of joy.
THE BUILD UP
Orlando is the guy that doesn’t know if he likes a tie or not until the salesperson grabs a shirt and suit jacket to create a “look” for him. Neither he, nor I, have an eye for design, so we value those that can make a beautiful thing from a lot of little things. Hence, we hired a project manager/interior designer to help us remodel our home.
When we did, Orlando shared a dream of his:
“I’ve always wanted to have an HGTV moment. You know, that moment when you walk into your house and it’s completely furnished, decorated, and beautiful.”
Since we rented the Lakehouse during the remodel, we went for it. Orlando took part in all the big decisions (flooring, couch, appliances, etc.) but everything else would be a surprise.
For the next 3 months, I’d visit the house every day to keep up with the project. Orlando and our middle son, Justin, did not eat the marshmallow! They never went into the house nor peaked at a single picture or video of the process.
Excitement built up.
The more the house would come together, the grander the “reveal” became. Orly and I would stop by the project and when we’d get home, Orlando would see the twinkle in our eyes. There were times we were with friends, and I’d show them videos (without Orlando seeing). He’d witness their eyes grow wide.
“Is it really that nice?” He’d question hopefully.
The energy around the reveal was contagious. As people got word about what Orlando and Justin were doing, they wanted in on the fun, too.
“Oh my God, I can’t wait to see his reaction!” They’d squeal.
THE WRINKLE IN THE PLAN
Everyone was so excited about this plan. Our entire family wanted to be at the house when Orlando walked through that door.
I could see the movie playing in my head.
Friends and family gathered around the living room. Our five fingers walking in, hand-in-hand. Orlando and Justin’s eyes growing wide and their mouths dropping. All of us crying with joy.
It was going to be epic.
And then Orlando dropped the news that he didn’t want anyone at the reveal.
“I just want it to be our five fingers.” He said.
Ugh, what a bummer.
I’ve always been the more the merrier kind of girl, but my husband cherishes the intimacy of sharing experiences with his wife and kids. Over the years, I’ve grown to love this about him and value our alone time just as much as he does. But this was one of those moments I longed to share with everyone.
Because this was HIS reveal, we honored his request and told friends and family we’d celebrate another day.
PUSHING BOUNDARIES
Although I agreed to Orlando’s wishes, deep down, I still had that grandiose movie playing in my mind. Every time we spoke about the reveal, someone would say, “I can’t wait to see his reaction! You have to record it!”
I mean, Orlando did say he wanted an HGTV moment and HGTV is ON TV! Of course, we had to video the entire experience.
But Orlando didn’t want video either.
“I just want my moment with my five fingers,’ he reiterated.
I pushed back because I wanted the video so badly.
“Fine, but hide the camera so I don’t see it.”
Deal.
THE DANGER OF DESERVE
A few weeks before the date of the reveal, I slowly started moving back to the house. I took the time to put away all of our stuff and get organized before Orlando walked through that door. My team and I worked hard to get all the last-minute details in order. The details are the hardest part! I wanted the reveal to be perfect.
But life is never perfect. They didn’t install our appliance garage doors because of a last-minute error with the hinges. So we scrambled to make that look as good as possible under those circumstances.
It was 6:30 pm the day of the reveal, and we were still cleaning up in anticipation of Orlando’s 7pm arrival.
I had worked so much, and was so looking forward to his moment, that it became my moment.
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in what you’ve put time and effort into that you felt like you deserve an outcome.
Deserving is an emotion that attaches us to outcomes.
Although Orlando had said to hide the camera, there we were, front and center with a camera in his face as he walked through the door.
Circumstances also led to it not being just the five fingers.
Of course, Orlando and Justin loved the house.
But despite being happy and in awe of our new home, there were a bunch of things that took over the moment.
The cherry on top was when Orlando was about to enter the house, after waiting for 3 months, and I blocked him from coming in because I didn’t have the camera ready. I was nervous and didn’t think that one through!
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR
At first, I felt like my husband hadn’t seen all the hard work and love I put into making his reveal special and he didn’t care about what I wanted.
But Orlando explained he hadn’t wanted the pressure of having to “react” a certain way in front of everyone. You know how there are some people who don’t know how to express themselves when they receive gifts? They kind of shut down because they’re not sure what facial expression to use? That’s Orlando. He wanted to enjoy his new house, that he had worked so hard for, without worrying about anyone “watching” him.
And I didn’t see that.
I got lost in the excitement of what I wanted (and thought I “deserved”).
I cared more about the fun of “sharing” the experience with everyone and “capturing” his reaction than allowing him to enjoy his moment on his own terms.
COMING IN SHORT
This beautiful moment we had worked for, longed for, and prepared for did not turn out to be blissful.
Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t terrible. It was still cute to have them come in to see the house. Orlando eventually got over the blocking the entrance and video thing and everything was fine. But in terms of the magical moment, we came in short.
When you build up too many expectations about what a moment should be like, it’s easy to get lost in what it’s not. It happened to all of us.
But I did learn a few lessons from it.
LESSONS LEARNED
First, be weary of trying so hard to “capture” a moment that you end up missing it.
Second, they say that the tiniest moments can leave the biggest imprints on our hearts. Although we thought the reveal was “the moment,” what we really cherished was the process. The days leading up to it, the effort we put into it, and the making of the dream come true.
Last, no moment is the end all be all. Even though the reveal was a little wonky, it led to a powerful conversation between Orlando and me and to putting the camera away just to be with our five fingers.
The next day, Orlando, Orly, and I spent some time flipping our couch over to put clips that lock it in together. It was an ordeal getting that huge couch flipped over and fully locked. But we did it. We put all the cushions back, and it looked so nice. Orlando looked at me and said, “Wow, I can’t tell you how happy putting the couch together made me. I’m actually feeling that bliss right now.”
And just like that, that “little” moment swept in to remind us that magic often happens when you least expect it.
