Happy Sacred Sunday!
January arrived in all its glamour.
The ball dropped, the fireworks roared, and the people cheered.
The energy and vibe all around is hopeful, new, and exciting … at least for a few hours.
And then, as the dust settles, and the sun rises, we step into a new day (which can look exactly like the days before if we’re not careful.)
With all the excitement of a new year, I almost forgot to set an intention for this month.
By the time I realized it, I struggled to come up with a theme.
It was then that I realized that poor little January takes on all the pressure and burden of the entire year, and we forget that it’s only one month in the collection of the bunch.
But if you’re paying attention, you will always find what your’e looking for — even when you least expect it.
During a conversation with my husband on our flight home, January’s theme hit me.
We were talking about something unrelated, but the answer was there, and it was exactly what we all need this month.
January isn’t about conquering a whole year in a simple month — but it is the month that invites us to shift our energy, focus, and behaviors.
It is still winter, so it doesn’t have to be a jumpstart, a race, or a spring. It’s more subtle than that.
But it’s a shift nonetheless.
That’s what i’m talking about on today’s podcast.
Tune and let’s catch up on what’s been going on the last couple of weeks and how you can use the theme SHIFT to start January in an aligned, intentional way.
Sending you love today and always, and looking forward to another year in your inbox.
Lessons learned
Happy Sacred Sunday!
You know what I love about words?
I love how they take on so many meanings and uses depending on the context, tone, and circumstances you use them in.
Words are powerful.
It’s probably why I love themes so much also. Because the more you apply them and think about them, the more meaningful they become.
This month I’ve been playing with the words Nest and Nesting because of the theme I set for November.
The theme began as a simple idea to spend this month focused on my priorities – family, home, business, finances, self.
But as each day passes, the more meaningful the theme becomes.
I was inspired recently to research what makes a good nest.
There are 3 characteristics necessary for a good, solid nest.
The nest has to be:
- Big enough to fit the eggs and chicks
- Strong enough and safe enough to hold them and protect them from predators, and
- Soft and cushiony enough to keep them warm and comfortable.
These elements took me down the rabbit hole of thinking about the metaphor of “The nest” as it relates to yourself and your life.
What I got was gold!
Tune into this week’s podcast to listen to how to apply these words, themes, and metaphors to your life. Because how we do one thing is how we do anything and there is so many lessons in all of it!
I was coaching a client once who was struggling with being too busy and having too many commitments. Let’s call her Bianca.
“I feel like I’m rushing from event to event and not having the time to enjoy any one thing,” Bianca complained.
At first glance, it appeared Bianca was overcommitting herself. I invited her to pull up her calendar so we could go through it.
She wasn’t lying — her calendar was full!
I figured she needed to gain some clarity about what her values and priorities were and organize her calendar accordingly. She’d have to say “no” to some things to create more space in her life and reduce the rush.
But as we dug deeper into each event, it turned out Bianca was very clear on her priorities and was filling up her calendar with things she wanted to do.
The next course of action was to consider whether any of the events or dates could be postponed or rearranged to create more space between them. One by one, Bianca would give me a reason why this event or that event could not be changed.
Once Bianca realized she wasn’t willing to change the circumstances, it became clear that she needed to change her mindset.
I taught Bianca the power of setting intentions.
She started using the intention practice to be more present during her events, feel less rushed, and enjoy the moments she was choosing to create.
These intentions empowered her to show up as a woman in control of her choices rather than a victim of her circumstances. Bianca discovered that although she had had the best intentions when adding each event to her calendar, she wasn’t being intentional during those events.
It turns out nothing had to change for everything to change.
This week on the podcast, we’re talking about what a practice of setting intentions is, why it matters, and how to incorporate it into your life.
Tune in and Bliss’n Up
As I prepared for this week’s podcast episode, I remembered an article I wrote back in 2016 titled “The Gift of Grief.” It’s a piece that resonated deeply with many of you back then, and feels so true to me still. I’ve decided to share it again because this may be the moment you need to read it.
The Gift of Grief
Originally published in 2016
The day my father left his body, I, for the very last time, kissed his cheek, hugged what remained of him, held his hands, and walked out of the hospital room. I approached the parking lot, got into my same car, took the same route home, walked into the same house to see the same husband and the same kids. Everything in my life was the same, yet everything was completely different. My world as I knew it had changed.
It was the end of my dad’s life; It was the end of him attending birthday parties or family functions, surprise visits, and long conversations. It was the end of his career, but also the end of his struggle with cancer. Death does that. It highlights the ends, causing sharp pain which cuts through your heart. Even though I felt this sharp, deep pain, I compared my situation to others’ and I didn’t feel that I deserved to be in pain. After all, things could be worse. Some of my friends lost their parents much earlier in life. Their parents had not been around to walk them down the aisle or see their grandchildren born. Some of my friends lost children, which is out of order. Our parents are supposed to leave before us, not the other way around. Others have lost their spouses, young and old. Knowing this, I thought to myself, “Who am I to complain?” So I didn’t.
I also wanted to believe that my father’s presence would remain with me. I had to believe that we were still connected, and he was still here with me. I needed that. But by the same philosophy I thought if he was here with me, then I “should” not miss him. I should not grieve him because he has not left.
I suppressed my pain, thinking that was the right thing to do.
A friend of mine sent me Rob Bell’s podcast interview with David Kessler on grief. It took me a while to muster the courage to hear it. I thought it would be too heavy for me. But eventually I did press play. That podcast did something for me I will be eternally grateful for.
It gave me the gift of grief.
By concealing my pain, what I was really trying to do was avoid suffering. I did not want to be a victim of my loss. My father had taught me to focus on the positive, to use humor in all circumstances, and to be strong. Grieving would let him down.
Until Kessler said something that will forever stay with me. “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
I was merging the two, and I didn’t have to.
That changed everything.
Kessler also helped me reconcile the internal conflict I was having about missing my father, but wanting so desperately to feel his presence. “It’s not about the grief, it’s about the change.”
My relationship with my father had changed. A relationship, by the way, that I had for 35 years. One that helped mold me and define me.
I no longer had a relationship with my father, the person. My relationship was now with his soul. Although I could see and hear my dad through videos, smell him by sniffing his signature cologne, and remember him through my memories, I had lost one of the most important senses we humans have — I could no longer touch him. I could not kiss his cheek, hug him, or hold his hand.
Pain is inevitable.
It doesn’t matter if the loss is more or less tragic than anyone else’s. It doesn’t need to be compared.
We all have permission to grieve.
The most beautiful realization I made, however, was not while I was listening to the podcast. The realization came later. Despite giving myself permission to grieve, I was still the same person as before. I was still positive, strong, finding the humor in life. I’d often think of my dad, cry, and minutes later laugh at something adorable my child did.
I could miss him and feel his presence simultaneously.
I could grieve with grace.
This experience has led me to appreciate the cycle between ends and beginnings. The end of one thing is always the beginning of something else. A newly wed welcomes a life of companionship and romantic dinners, yet misses the simplicity of being single. A new mother thanks God for her beautiful, bouncy baby and yet mourns the time when she was only responsible for herself. As parents gloat with pride of the college their bright and independent son is attending, they mourn their little boy who creeped into their beds in the middle of the night.
Even happy beginnings come with sad ends.
If we deny ourselves the joy of the beginning or the pain of the end, we are denying ourselves the act of fully living.
The gift of grief has allowed me to live fully, in the present moment, truly feeling the happy and the sad. Although I reached the end of my human relationship with my father, it was the beginning of a new relationship. A relationship in which I carry him with me everywhere I go.
I used to have a mantra whenever I felt a twinge of pain: “I am strong. I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not a victim. I am blessed. I have a positive attitude.” Today, I continue to reiterate these mantras but I’ve added: “I am also human, and that’s okay too.”
You can find the original post here.
On this Sacred Sunday’s podcast, we’re talking about saying goodbyes and saying hellos and all the emotions we experience in between.
Enjoy and let me know if this resonates with you.
Sending you so much love.
Happy Sacred Sunday!
Before we remodeled our house, we had a galley kitchen, That meant when you came in through the front door, the first thing you’d see was the wall that separated the kitchen from the common areas of the house. On that wall hung a large painting with a glass credenza underneath for decorations.
When talks about the remodel began, everyone suggested we knock down that wall to open up the kitchen area, insert a big island, and create a grand room.
But I didn’t want to do that.
I was afraid that if my kitchen was exposed, then the first thing anyone would see (including myself) when they walked into the house was the mess in the kitchen.
I enjoyed walking in to a home that looked like it was in order.
But my kitchen was never in order. There was always stuff laying around on the kitchen counter, dishes in the sink or on the drying rack, and something out of place.
I explained to my designer, Elika, that the wall created a space between the order and the chaos, so at least when we walked in, we experienced a peaceful and pleasant environment and didn’t witness the chaos until we turned the corner!
I thought I was being honest with myself, rather than becoming enamoured with something that was impossible to sustain. After all, the same family who lived in the house pre-remodel was going to live in the house post-remodel. An open floor plan was setting me up for failure.
The wall felt safer.
It gave me permission to be messy without having to “see” the mess from every angle of my house.
Elika listened to my well articulated arguments, nodding and smiling, but refusing to concede. “Your kitchen is a mess because it is not designed functionally and because you don’t have any systems in place. Trust me, Caro. When I create a space for you that has a home for every item, flows well, and is easy to maintain, keeping it clean is going to be easy.”
It is very difficult to imagine a different future with the mindset of your current reality.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
Your current life feels so real and your lifestyle, habits, and circumstances are so true, that anything different is like a fantasy reserved for other people.
Elike coached me into holding a vision for myself and my family different than the one that felt so true to me.
She inspired me to trust her, even though I didn’t really believe her.
So I agreed to knocking down the wall, hoping I wasn’t making a huge mistake.
That decision was the beginning of the domino effect that would completely transform my home, my life, and my identity.
When it was time to get ready for the remodel, I started something I had always wanted to do but never had the time, energy or discipline to:
I took on the Marie Kondo Decluttering marathon.
It took me a couple of months to complete that challenge, and it was one of the hardest, most tedious things I’ve done.
But the process helped me retrain my brain. Following the Kondo method permanently changed my relationship with material things.
Turns out by the time we moved back into our home we were NOT the same 5 fingers that had lived there previously.
Elika taught me maintenance systems to preserve the integrity of the spaces. She taught me how to think differently, which allowed me to create more supportive habits.
I’ll confess that the first few months back in the house, I proceeded with caution.
I questioned whether we’d revert back to our old ways. I feared getting too comfortable and slipping into bad habis. It reminded of when my husband first got healthy and lost a ton of weight, for the first couple of years he operated with a subtle fear that he was destined to be fat again. It’s like we’re imposters trying on someone else’s identity, and we’re unsure how long we can keep it up before our true colors come out.
This happens at the beginning of most transformation journeys, but little by little, this new reality starts to feel more real, authentic, and true … and one day you realize you’re not trying on this new identity anymore— you’ve become it.
Recently I was washing some dishes while my mom sat across from me in big, open, airy space.
“I am so impressed with how you’ve managed to upkeep this house,” she commented. “It’s like you guys are a different family!”
“We are,” I smiled, finally believing it.
On this Sacred Sunday’s podcast, I’m talking about upleveling, times of transition, and living with intention. I really hope it supports you as you get ready to jump into the summer months.
“The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”
Tony Robbins
Happy Sacred Sunday!
A few years ago I discovered a workout routine on youtube called Butt Bible, by Pauline Nordin. You could tell these were old-school videos of the days when an exercise instructor rented a studio, filmed their workout class with a couple of “models,” and probably aired it on public television.
In a thick, Swedish accent, Pauline would hilariously motivate/scold you through each exercise.
“If you want to have a butt you think you can sit on your couch watching tv and eating potato chips?! NO! You want results, you have to work at it! Squeeze that butt!”
She’d go on and on and for some odd reason, I loved it. The exercises were basic and quick, and she’d make me laugh through the burn. After a couple of weeks of doing them, I did notice my butt was better!
There’s no question that if you want results, you need to take action. And the more “massive action” you take, a la Tony Robbins, the more likely you are to succeed.
And yet, there is also incredible power in knowing when and what to surrender.
There are circumstances that are out of your control. There are moments that require patience, stillness, and trust.
If you spend your life trying to bulldoze your way into getting the results you want, you may miss out on the magic of a life you didn’t know you wanted.
I once heard a woman say, “Do the work, surrender the outcome.” That truth never left me.
That’s exactly what we’re talking about today on the podcast. Tune in on this Sacred Sunday as we do a deep dive into understanding the balance between taking action and discerning when it’s time to let go.
Sending you lots of love today and every day.
If it seems like it’s been a while since I’ve popped into your inbox … that’s because it has been. I didn’t disappear intentionally. I caught a virus from my kid that has knocked me off my feet.
In fact, I am typing this email from the lobby of an Urgent Care, waiting to check on an ear infection that seems to be getting progressively worse.
This isn’t how I envisioned the last couple of weeks leading up to launching my podcast. I thought I’d be in full gear, high energy, knocking off items from the to-do list and making it happen.
But instead, I’ve been reminded of the very true saying:
Interestingly, the last time I got sick like this was in 2019, shortly after launching my first book into the world, Looking Over the Edge. I’m not nearly as sick as I was that time, but it’s the worse I’ve been in the last 5 years.
I don’t know if it’s a coincidence, some sort of synchronicity, or a lesson I’m supposed to learn.
I choose to live life as if it is rigged in my favor, which means I will make it my responsibility to find the lesson here … although I’m still too submerged in the weeds to make sense of it yet.
Nonetheless, the Bliss’n Up Podcast is LIVE, even though I’m feeling barely ALIVE 
.
In today’s episode I’m covering:
1. What to do when you’re stuck in the trying loop
2. What this podcast is all about and how I got here.
3. Why a life that sparks bliss is often about doing the things that have nothing to do with bliss!
As this day approached, I almost postponed the launch date so I could get better and have more time to “do this right.”
But the reason I didn’t postpone was because I wanted to honor something I work with my 1:1 clients all the time: overcoming the ALL OR NOTHING MENTALITY.
So often we’d rather not show up at all than show up messy and vulnerable.
That’s why we keep waiting until Monday to eat better, exercise, or start working on our goals. It’s why we keep thinking this isn’t the right time to declutter the house, confront the issues in the relationship, or start the program.
We want the circumstances to be perfect.
We think we need more energy, motivation, or resources.
We promise ourselves that as soon as we get through _______________, we’ll finally be able to tackle ____________.
I’ve been feeling all these things. And it’s why I waited so long to start this thing in the first place. Sometimes you do need to give yourself some time in the season you’re in.
But I also trust in divine timing and in my intuition.
I felt strongly that today, 5/5/24, was supposed to be Bliss’n Up’s kickoff and it was time to dive in — no matter what.
Isn’t it ironic that on the day we launch a podcast about “Listening to your bliss,” my right ear is completely clogged? I’m telling you, the Universe is teaching me something and I’m going to bliss’n up big time!!!
And I know you will, too.
I know this is a journey we’re supposed to go on together and I’m so glad you’re here.
Listen to the episode and please send me a note or leave me a review to tell me what you thought about it!
Here it goes …
I’ve made a decision that’s taken me a long time to get to.
Well, that’s not entirely true.
The decision was made in July.
What’s taken me a long time is to bring that decision to life.
The gap between making a decision and the making the decision happen is where the word “trying” falls into. I wrote about the myth of “trying” here.
The trying loop is where many dreams and goals go to die.
Unless you turn the decision into execution.
Anyway, back to July.
I was sitting at lunch with my dear friend and mentor, Bruce Turkel.
I shared with him an idea I’d been pondering over for quite some time — that we all have sparks of bliss within us, and all we have to do is pay attention to them when they appear. I wrote about the concept of sparks of bliss here.
“You’re creating a community of Blissteners,” Bruce said. “People who listen to their bliss.”
EXACTLY! I want to help people pay attention to the bliss that already exists in their life, because I know its there! And if it’s not, I want to teach them how to create a life that invites bliss in.
One way I wanted to do this was through a podcast.
As I smiled and finished my next bite, I mumbled, “Now I just need a name for my podcast.”
“Oh, that’s easy.” Bruce stated matter-of-factly.
“Bliss’n up! Get it? It’s a play on “listen up.”
The sparks of bliss inside me went wild. I was so grateful for Bruce’s brilliant brain, our friendship, and that moment. I was ready to go out and start my podcast.
But I didn’t.
I did many other things, but something held me back from launching the podcast.
And by something, of course, I mean me.
I didn’t feel quite ready to launch for mainly two reasons.
1. The idea of a podcast felt very illusive.
2. I wasn’t ready to COMMIT to the podcast.
And yet, I had already decided that this was going to happen.
When you’re not quite ready to go into full execution of an idea, but you’ve decided that you will take that path, one of the best things you can do to ensure your idea doesn’t die in the trying loop, is to tackle small big wins.
Although I wasn’t quite ready to commit to releasing my podcast into the world, I focused on other business goals that would support my eventual podcast.
I also primed the pump by getting the logo done, having my niece compose the music for the podcast, and learning from others who run their own podcasts.
Even so, when my close friends would ask, “When is the podcast coming out?” I didn’t have an answer for them.
Until this sentence changed everything
I was walking with my friend Betsy, processing and masterminding on life and business.
Amid our conversation, Betsy mentioned how important it was to create content that lasts.
As content creators, we often create “one-off” content. Meaning, we write an email, post on social media, or create a proposal — and despite all the work we put into it, we only use the content once. Furthermore, content gets lost in the cloud shortly after its released.
I want to make things that will last.
That was my big revelation.
This isn’t just about creating good content.
It’s about creating things that outlive us. Things our children and grandchildren can hear, use, or benefit from long after we’re gone.
It’s about legacy. I love that my children can read my father’s books and see his videos online. I wish I had more.
The Next Right Thing
I have spent years pouring my heart into writing you these emails. I’ve tried to share stories that inspire you to live a healthier, happier, and more meaningful life.
I want all this work to live on, and that requires putting it in formats that support that.
I’ve already begun with my book, Looking Over the Edge, but it’s time for more.
After a week of fasting to clear my mind, body, and soul, I finally have the clarity and courage to put a date on the calendar.
And you’re the first person I wanted to share it with.
Because whether or not you realize it, if you read my work, you’re already a blisstener!
So here it goes:
On Sunday, May 5th, I am launching the Bliss’n Up Podcast to the world.
Hopefully, this podcast will inspire you to live a life that sparks bliss, educate you on all things mindset, wellness, and relationships, and be a source of wisdom and guidance on your life path.
The podcast will air every Sacred Sunday along with our weekly moment of clarity email.
I shared this story with you today because on this Sacred Sunday I want you to think about the goals and dreams you have hanging out in the trying loop.
Are you feeling frustrated because you don’t know how to move from the decision to making it happen?
You’re not alone.
Sometimes you have to let things ruminate a bit before you’re ready to execute.
In the meantime, stay in the game, go for those small, big wins, and trust the process.
CINCO DE MAYO HERE WE COME!
We’ve started a tradition for our loved one’s birthdays, where we all gather around the table and each person shares what they love and/or admire most about that person.
As we took turns sharing special things about my husband on his 47th birthday, it hit me just how much he’s taught me about life.
So, on this Sacred Sunday, I want to share 3 principles I’ve learned from Orlando on creating a life that sparks bliss.
Get Clear on Your Priorities
Orlando once said to me, “When I die, I don’t want my tombstone to read: ‘The Greatest Lawyer to have ever lived;’ I want it to read, ‘The Greatest Husband and Father to have ever lived.’”
Ever since he was young, he knew he wanted a family. A lot of the choices he made even before we met (like going to law school instead of joining a traveling Shakespearean acting troupe) were for his future family.
Over the years, I’ve continued to see how he makes choices that match up with his crystal-clear priorities.
Take his career, for example. The way he set up his law firm, his pricing, and the kinds of cases he takes on, all support the lifestyle he wants. Orlando had chances to make more money and become more famous in his field — chances he turned down to keep his freedom to spend time with his family.
Despite those decisions, Orlando has done well for himself. Slowly but surely, he’s built up a solid reputation and created a thriving criminal defense practice — all on his own terms.
He taught me the best definition of success: if you wouldn’t trade your life with anyone else’s, you’re the most successful person in the world.
Strike While the Iron is Hot
When my firstborn was 4 years old, he fell in love with the songs from the Phantom of the Opera CD I played in the car. From the first time I played the soundtrack, Orly, despite being so little, had such a powerful reaction to it. Since then, he’d ask me to replay the songs every day.
That’s when Orlando had the idea to take our little guy to New York to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.
I thought he was crazy. First, Orly was too little. Second, Justin was even smaller (he was only 2). Third, I was very pregnant with Ryan (30+ weeks). And most importantly, we had no money.
But none of these factors fazed my husband.
“Caro, we have to strike while the iron is hot. If we wait until Orly is a little older, by that time he may no longer care about Phantom of the Opera. You have to seize these moments while they still matter. These are the experiences that can affect your life forever.”
He was adamant — and, as usual — very convincing.
We reached out to my best friend who lives in Jersey. Not only did she get us great seats at a super discount because of her husband’s job, but she offered us her home and took care of Justin so we could take Orly into the city to see the show.
Turns out we didn’t need a lot of money or perfect circumstances to make this happen — and the experience did ultimately influence the trajectory of our son’s life. (10 years later, our son still dreams of pursuing his acting career)
Orlando has taught me to live with more urgency and do the things that matter most now because now is all we really have.
If You Don’t Like It, Change It
I often joke with Orlando that I initially married a Honda and somehow I upgraded to a Bentley.
The traits I loved about him when we got together were the foundation of something solid — he was kind, funny, educated, and family-oriented.
But Orlando also had something I didn’t realize until many years into our marriage.
The courage to change what no longer served him.
Over the years, Orlando changed his lifestyle, his habits, and his mindset.
When he realized he was stuck in his career, he did what was necessary to break free from his circumstances.
When he got ill, he did what was necessary to get well.
And when he got sick of being overweight and out of shape, he did what was necessary to step into a different identity.
Time and time again, he went for it. He took risks. He fell, and he picked himself back up again. He never stopped trying.
I have witnessed Orlando transform before my eyes. And not just physically. He even changed aspects of his personality, like going from one of the biggest procrastinators to one of the most proactive people I know.
He has taught me that if you don’t like something about your life, you have the power to change it.
For Christians, today is extra sacred because it’s the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This day serves as a reminder that we, too, have the power to rise.
I thought it was quite synchronistic that this holiday coincided with my beloved’s birthday this year, a man I’ve seen rise to become a better version of himself.
The day he dies, his tombstone will read just as he wanted.
So on this Sacred Sunday, I will leave you with these questions:
- What do you want your tombstone to read when you die?
- How can you strike while the iron is hot in your life?
- What don’t you like about your life that you want to change?
- Will you have the courage to do what is necessary based on the answers to those questions?
If you do, you will unlock a life that sparks bliss. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen.