Inspiration · Mindset · Productivity · Success Skills

It’s all about your eyes

I’ve always been fascinated with people’s eyes. Not their eye color, shape, or eyesight ratio. No. I am fascinated by the lens people see the world through. Because I find that the quality of your life depends much more on how you “see” things than what “things” happen to you.

I touched on this in my book, Looking Over the Edge:

I’ve also created Daily Affirmations to speak “living with big eyes” and “being the kind of person who can look up” into your subconscious.

And now I have the privilege of interviewing the man who literally wrote the book on this theme!

CONNECT WITH CARO Featuring TJ Kostecky

TJ Kostecky is the lead innovator of Vision Training, a developmental program that empowers athletes to maximize their playing potential. Over the last 40 years, TJ has coached thousands of players and coaches around the world — teaching them how widening their vision has the power to transform not only how they approach their sport, but how they approach life.

TJ’s upcoming book, Eyes UP: Discover Your Full Potential and Form Meaningful Connections Through Subtle Shifts in Perspective, is a comprehensive self-help guide covering all aspects of life, from career to family to spiritual fulfillment. It shows readers how small shifts in perspective can have a major impact on how they see the world and live their life, leading to higher levels of success and satisfaction.

With Daylight Savings starting this weekend, you might feel a little groggy on Monday because you’ve lost an hour of sleep. This interview will wake you up so that you see your life differently — whether you’re springing forward or falling back!

Oh, and fun fact about my friend, TJ, in 2021 he was inducted into the Ukraine Sports Hall of Fame!

Save your seat for this hall of famer interview on March 13th at 12pm Est and maybe you’ll leave as fascinated by “eyes” as I am. ☺️

Click here to save your seat

March 10, 2023

Inspiration · Success Skills

A practice that has served me well

A few years ago I started a practice that has served me well — choosing one word for the year.

You can use this one word as “the theme” of your year; The framework by which your choices and decisions are filtered through.

Some years the word pops into your mind quickly and other years it requires careful thought and deliberation. You will love some words more than others, but that’s okay, because each year you get to choose a new word.

The best part of coming up with a word for the year is that it creates a life of intention.

I put my one word on a bracelet which I wear all year as a physical reminder of the person I am choosing to become.

In moments of uncertainty, doubt, confusion, or lack of motivation — taking a look at that word will help you refocus, readjust, and choose your next best step.

With only three days left in 2022, I’ve been reflecting a lot on this past year. My word for 2022 was RISE. There were moments when I didn’t feel like I was living up to that word. Gosh, there were moments when I felt like I was crashing rather than rising. But as I take inventory of my life and business, I see many areas where I’ve risen above my comfort zone, my abilities, and my existing circumstances.

The key is to focus on progress, not perfection.

As you get ready to close out this year, take some time to think about your successes. What habits and practices served you well? What goals did you accomplish? What are you proud of?

Next, think about the next year.

What kind of person do you want to embody in 2023?

What kind of life do you want to live?

What framework do you want to filter your decisions by from now on?

If you could choose a theme for the year, what would it be?

Let the answers to these questions help you come up with your one word for the year. Some people also like using acronyms to represent their one word.

Don’t worry if you decide to change your word later. (Again this exercise isn’t about perfection, it’s about intention).

May this practice help you design a life you love.

Now, I’d love to hear from you!

Reply to me and let me know if you have a one word practice or if you’re going to adopt one in 2023.

Oh, and if you loved this idea, you will love to participate in one of our vision board workshops this January.

Wishing you all the best in this upcoming year.

December 28, 2022

Inspiration · Mindset · Productivity · Success Skills

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

Have you ever felt like you wish you could change something, but you can’t seem to find the way to make the change?

Most of us have a laundry list of things we’d like to change, and yet we think change is too hard to do. Because humans are complicated creatures, we believe our solutions have to be complicated too. But I learned from Marisa Peer a long time ago that solutions are often quite simple.
Sometimes, changing your life starts with something as simple as changing your story.

The habit I couldn’t adopt

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but for a long time, I struggled with adopting a nighttime skincare routine. Yes, night after night I’d fall asleep without washing my face or taking off my makeup (if I wore makeup that day.)

Of course, I understood the importance of cleaning my pores and applying serums and creams to work their magic while I sleep. I wanted to have a good complexion, and I did not want my face to age prematurely because I neglected it — and yet neither the knowledge nor the desire helped me adopt a good skincare habit.

Every day I’d say, “Today I’m going to be disciplined and wash my face before bed!” and then I’d fall asleep on my kids’ bed, only to wake up just long enough to sleep walk to my bedroom and plop myself on the bed.

I was more tired than disciplined.

Until I changed the story

One day I was getting a facial done and my facial lady, Maribel, was noting how dry, clogged, and dull my skin was. As she analyzed me through a magnifying lens, she started asking questions. I knew the inevitable question was coming, “what are you applying at night?”

“Well, my dermatologist gave me some great creams and serums, but most nights I fall asleep before I get the chance to put them on.”

She gasped.

“What about your makeup?”

“Well, I don’t wear too much makeup. But even if I have some on, I fall asleep with it on.”

My eyes were closed but I could sense the horrified look on her face.

“You are getting older, and you need to take care of your skin, Caro! You can’t continue doing this.”

Feeling ashamed, I began telling her all my justifications and excuses, until she said something that changed everything. “Then do your routine earlier. It doesn’t have to be the last thing you do.”

There it was.

The story I’d been telling myself was that my nighttime routine had to be the very last thing I did before I lay to rest. But that’s not working in this season of my life. So what if I took out “night” from my nighttime routine? What if it became the first thing I did rather than the last thing I did?

One small change can be all you need

Changing my definition of “night time” routine gave me permission to do the things my face needed while I still had the energy. So after dinner, but before I wash the dishes, clean up around the house, put my kids down, read bedtime stories, etc, I take a few minutes to wash my face, put toner, apply my creams, and take care of my skin.

That’s all it took, and I’ve been building that habit ever since.

Change your story, Change your life

My friend, Kelly Swanson is a master storyteller and storytelling expert. She has devoted her life to helping people use the power of story to change their lives. But throughout her life, there was one thing Kelly always struggled with — her weight.

No matter what she tried, she could never get her weight under control. When the story was about being skinny, Kelly didn’t care. When it was about looking like other people, she didn’t care. Even when it was about shaming herself, she didn’t care.

It was only when the story became about being healthy so Kelly could continue doing the things she wanted to do — only then was she able to tackle that part of her life.

This Friday, join me in a very special Connect with Caro Expert Interview where Kelly will share the health crisis that changed her relationship with food, life, and weight.

She’ll make you laugh; she might make you cry; but more importantly, she’ll inspire you to think about the stories you’re telling yourself and how you can change them to adopt better habits, pursue your goals, and live your best life.

Click here to register for this interview. You won’t want to miss it! Oh, and share the love with your friend.

Kelly Swanson is an award-winning storyteller, comedian, motivational speaker, Huffington Post Contributor, and cast member of The Fashion Hero television show airing on Amazon Prime. She is also author of Who Hijacked My Fairy Tale, The Land of If Only, The Story Formula, and The Gutsy Girls Pocket Guide to Public Speaking.

September 14, 2022

Inspiration · Mindset · Success Skills

Focus on what is within your control

Geez, just last week I wrote about 2 being the number of cooperation and us making cooperation true, and this week we’re watching a war unfold before us. It’s frustrating, frightening, and so very sad.

But what I wrote in that post, and I stand firmly by, is that we should only focus on what is within our control. That is exactly what I’ve decided to do today.

First, I want to share this post written by Randy Gage on the situation in Ukraine. It was incredibly well-written and informative and I think everyone should read it. We should get this article in the hands of all the leaders we can.
Second, in an effort to support Ukrainians who are relocating with no resources and nowhere to go, I am donating the proceeds of any coaching session you book this week to Global Empowerment Mission.

If you’ve been wanting to work with a life coach; If you need someone to process with, help you shift your perspective, gain more clarity, and start doing the things you know you should be doing — then you should definitely go for a walk with me.

I love walking sessions because they have the added benefit of getting you to move your body, but if that doesn’t work for you, I am also available via zoom.

I’m donating the proceeds from our session to support Ukraine because that is within my control.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR SESSION NOW

Although the world may not seem like a very cooperative place, you can always find tons of people rallying in support, doing what they can, and showing cooperation during difficult times. So let’s keep doing our part in hopes that one day the whole world will cooperate too.

Sending you peace and love today and always.

March 3, 2022

Inspiration · Mindset · Success Skills

I didn’t know I needed her.

Has someone ever pushed you into doing something you didn’t think you needed?

There was a time in my life when a dear friend of mine told me I had to go see Susan.

I didn’t think I needed anything except a new website because I was changing careers.

“Why?” I asked.

“You’ll know why when you meet her.”

I’d been in the personal development world forever. I had a ton of coaches and speakers as friends. Why would I pay for a coach?

But my friend insisted I hire her.

Susan asked why I was there.

“I have no idea but Bruce made me come.”

Susan laughed.

That’s how our relationship began.

This amazing woman challenged me and helped me to identify my limiting beliefs. She opened the doors to a new way of thinking, to new language, and to tap into my spirituality — something I had never done before.

Sometimes you need to do things you didn’t think you needed to do in order to elevate your life.

In the 5 years since I met Susan, I wrote a book (she played a huge role), stopped practicing law, and built a thriving community focused on mindset, wellness, and relationships. I also create inspirational programs such as my Connect with Caro series, where I interview experts and dive deep into their personal stories and backgrounds. Click here to see the episode when Susan was my guest.

Now guess what…?

For the first time ever, I’ll be hosting Connect with Caro live and in person. And Susan will be interviewing me!

This incredible woman embodies much of what I want to be when I grow up. And here’s a fun fact: We actually share a birthday (December 8th). We’re that connected!

Join us for a meaningful conversation about mindset, wellness, relationships, and Looking Over the Edge. We’ll also talk about her upcoming book!

Not only is this going to be an evening of networking and inspiration, but it’s also our birthday celebration!

Please join us on December 9th, 5:30–7:30 pm at Dadeland Mall next to the JCPenney (formerly Nordstrom). The event is open to the public but seating is limited so please rsvp here.

December 8, 2021

Delayed Gratification · Mindset · Success Skills

My interview on Ty Bennett’s Podcast

I’m sure you’ve heard people say, “If you need anything, just ask.” Asking for what you need or want sounds simple. And yet so many of us shy away from asking for things for fear of feeling rejected, turned down, or ignored. Many of us don’t ask because we don’t want to impose on others or inconvenience them. We make assumptions of what someone else’s response will be to our requests instead of giving that person the opportunity to decide for themselves.

I’ve negotiated against myself many times. By being embarrassed, intimidated, or overly considerate, I’ve missed opportunities. Like Nora Roberts says, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”

What’s fascinating is that when I muster the courage to put myself out there, getting a yes is often easier than I expected it to be, and getting a no isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s so true that we suffer more in imagination than in reality!

Afraid to ask

In looking for good podcasts to share my newly launched book, I came across Ty Bennett’s podcast. I love his work and admire many of the guests he’s interviewed in the past. Even though I know Ty, it took me months to ask him to be on his podcast. I hesitated and procrastinated because I wasn’t sure how to approach him.

I finally realized what I was doing. If I didn’t reach out to Ty, I was guaranteeing that I’d never have an interview with him. I took action and sent Ty a message. Guess what? He said, “Yes!”

Ask and you shall receive

Today I get to share with you an awesome interview Ty and I did together.

Not only is this episode full of life lessons, but it is super relevant and timely during this pandemic. We cover everything from defining success, to parenting, to living a meaningful life. We even talk about not eating the marshmallow!

To think this interview could help so many people, and yet wouldn’t exist had I not been willing to ask for it.

I’m so proud I get to share this podcast episode with you, and the backstory of how I got here. Because I know I’m not the only one who is afraid of asking for what I want. I’m not the only one who has negotiated against herself.

Remember that the most successful people are the ones who put themselves out there even when they’re afraid to do it.

Stop procrastinating, hesitating, and wasting opportunities for fear of rejection. Just remember, if they say no, you’re in no different a position than you are now. If they say yes, the results will help you and others along the way!

A Moment of Clarity

Ask for what you want!

Failing to do so deprives not only you but others too.

May 21, 2020

Delayed Gratification · Inspiration · Parents & Families · Relationships · Success Skills

There Are No Wasted Auditions … Part 3

“Successful people are willing to do things that unsuccessful people are not willing to do.” Joachim de Posada

Are You Devoted?

We’d gotten what we wanted. Orlando had promised Orly that Pippin’s director would recommend him for a role one day, and the day had come. Orly had learned that when you show up prepared and focused, there are no wasted auditions. I felt like he was being rewarded … not only for a strong audition … but for the grace and good will he’d shown when his younger brother got the role instead.

But now we had a new conflict. The developmental workshop rehearsals were scheduled from Saturday to Wednesday with the final reading on Thursday. We’d booked our pre-planned trip to New York City on that Wednesday.

Ideally, we’d reschedule the trip for another time so Orly could participate in the reading, but it wasn’t that easy.

The flights and tickets to the event we were attending were non-refundable. The hotel would cancel our reservation but charge a one-night penalty. And then the real deal breaker … Hamilton. The tickets had cost us a fortune and were also non-refundable. I thought of reselling them, but we learned a very expensive lesson when it comes to purchasing theatre tickets.

At the time of purchase, we selected the Will-Call option, which means they’d be at the box office of the theater. But guess what? We had to show our driver’s license to pick up the tickets. They will only release them to the purchaser. Buyer Beware! If you are purchasing tickets in a different state, choose the option to print your tickets at home or have them mailed to you. You need to be in physical possession of them in order to sell or transfer them. This tip will save you big time if you ever have to change your plans like we did. We stood to lose thousands of dollars if we cancelled the trip.

“Why don’t you email the director? Maybe the workshop dates can be moved around by a few days,” I suggested to Orlando.

“Are you crazy?” He shook his head no. “They’re not going to change the dates of the workshop for us!”

“We don’t lose anything by asking,” I insisted.

“This is pointless, but fine,” Orlando appeased me.

A few days later, the director responded that the dates were set in stone because they were flying in the director and composer from New York City. How ironic.

We told the kids about the trip and the conflict. You can imagine their disappointment.

“Do I have to do the workshop?” Orly asked.

“It depends on how committed you are to your acting,” I replied.

“But I don’t even know what a reading is. What if we give up going to New York and the reading isn’t any fun? What if I don’t like it?”

This was a tough decision for a kid. Heck, it was a tough decision for us. But life is about choices. The right answer doesn’t come in a gift box with a bow wrapped around it.

“I’m sure you prefer to go to New York than do the workshop. That sounds like a lot more fun than the reading. But opportunities like this don’t come around often and you never know if you’ll have another chance like it. You’re going to be working with a director from Broadway and an up and coming composer from NYC! You don’t know what this workshop can mean for you in the future. Maybe nothing at all. But what if it’s the beginning of other possibilities? That’s the thing, you just never know. This is a defining moment in your life. What are you willing to sacrifice for your dreams?”

Orly looked down at the floor, “Okay, I’ll stay for the workshop.”

I thought about my dad and how proud he’d be if he were alive to witness this moment. He wrote a book called, “Don’t Eat The Marshmallow…Yet!” It explains that the secret to success is the ability to delay gratification, meaning that you are willing to resist the temptation for an immediate reward to wait for a later reward. Orly didn’t eat the marshmallow. I knew right then that no matter what he does in the future, he will be successful.

The decision was made. We emailed the director and confirmed that Orly would participate in the workshop.

After much consideration, we tried to minimize our losses and salvage our trip. I’d fly to New York with the boys on Wednesday morning as planned. Orlando would stay behind with Orly and meet us in New York. They could jump on the 5am flight on Friday morning and still make it to our scheduled event and Hamilton. It seemed like a good plan … until we arrived at Orly’s first rehearsal.

We dropped off the younger boys at their friend’s house so we could stay with Orly. We were all a little nervous. We arrived early and peeked through the glass window of the classroom. Students stood in rows with music stands in front of them, facing a man playing the piano. They all sang in unison. It felt grand.

The director spotted us and opened the door.

“Listen up everyone. I want you to say hi to Orly. He’ll be playing the role of Kurt.”

“Hi Orly!” The students greeted him cheerfully.

“Welcome,” the pianist, Mark Sonnenblick, waved us in.

We walked in quietly and grabbed some seats in the back. The UM director walked over with a young woman, while the students resumed their rehearsal. “Orly, this is Maggie,” he whispered. “She’s directing this musical.”

“Hi Maggie,” Orly said. Maggie was friendly. She handed him some music sheets and talked to him for a little bit. The UM director kneeled in front of us to tell us what was going on. “Turns out Act one, which is the Act we’re working on during this workshop, revolves mainly around Kurt,” he said with a smile. “Your son is going to have three major solos.” Orly’s mouth dropped. My heart stopped.

Orlando saw my face and knew what I was thinking. He put his arm around me and whispered, “There’s no point in you being in another city when your heart will be here. Don’t worry about the money.”

I almost cried. There was no way I could get on a plane to New York and miss seeing my son perform three solos. That night I cancelled our three remaining reservations and booked us on the Friday morning flight with Orlando and Orly. It was the best decision I could’ve made.

The next five days were a whirlwind. Orly worked harder than he’s ever worked in his life. Mark, Maggie, and the students were incredibly kind and patient with him. They spent hours upon hours rehearsing. During Orly’s free time, he worked with his vocal teacher.

Because this was a workshop, the script changed constantly and Orly had to adapt to new lines and new scenes. He was resilient and rolled with the punches.

By the night of the reading, Orly wasn’t the same kid that walked into rehearsal the first day. He’d poured his heart and soul into this performance, and had grown as a singer and actor. He’d bonded with the students, the director, and the composer. And he was a part of something that was beautiful. Mark’s work is magnificent. His musical belongs on Broadway. The day it gets there, Orly will have been a part of its inception.

There was a dramatic scene toward the end of the play when Orly stood singing his solo in front of the audience and the rest of the Cast rose from their seats to join him in song. Goosebumps filled my arms and tears streamed down my face from how lucky I felt to be in that room, witnessing that moment. This experience was more special than any of us could’ve ever imagined.

A Moment of Clarity

We learned some pretty expensive lessons from this experience like to always buy refundable airfare and the tip about ticket delivery. But we also learned that experiences are worth more than money; that opportunities must be seized when they appear; and that you are rewarded when you delay gratification.

The next morning at the crack of dawn we boarded the flight to New York City. Orly buckled in and leaned over to look at us, “Thanks for pushing me to do the workshop. I wouldn’t have traded one minute of it for New York.”

I laughed, “Well, you’re a pretty lucky kid considering you’re getting to do both!”

He leaned back on his chair and with a big smile on his face said, “Yep. We need to get to know that place, since I’m going to live there when I grow up!”

October 7, 2018

There Are No Wasted Auditions (Part One)

The hardest thing for a parent to do is watch their kid fail. But without failure, there is no true success.

“Audition Opportunity!” read the subject line of the email. My nine-year-old, Orly, is passionate about acting. He wants to be on Broadway one day. He’s auditioned for several roles in different theaters, which landed me on multiple mailing lists.

“Looking for three to four young actors, any age but under 4 feet tall, to play the role of Theo in our upcoming Tony Award winning Broadway musical, Pippin” University of Miami’s Ring Theater was hosting the audition. Theo was the only child part in the play, meaning the young actor would be performing alongside University of Miami’s junior and senior theater students. They were looking for three or four actors so that the children could alternate in between performances.

Knowing my son would kill to audition for this, I forwarded the message to my husband. Not two minutes later, the phone rang.

“Did you see the email?” I asked, forgetting to say “Hello.”

“He’s going to love this,” Orlando replied. “What a great opportunity.”

“What about the height restriction?” I asked. “Orly might be right on the cusp of four feet.”

“Yes, I think he’s right around that height.” Orlando agreed. “You know who else might be perfect for this audition?”

“Who?”

“Justin.”

Justin was our adorable six-year-old who has an incredible ability to memorize lines, but his personality is very different than his brother’s.

“Do you think Justin would want to do something like this?” I asked.

“Let’s ask him. They’re looking for three to four actors for the same role. Both brothers could be Theo. How cool would that be?”

“That would be awesome,” I agreed.

We brought up the audition at dinner. Orly’s eyes lit up immediately. “I want to audition!”

Justin was less enthused. “Justy, tell us. Do you want to audition for Theo?” I stroked his cheek.

“I don’t know,” he said nonchalantly. “I guess.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, buddy. But we think it would be a great experience for you and imagine how cool it would be if both you and your brother got to be in the same play.” Orlando said.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” He said casually.

After dinner, Orlando played some of the Pippin songs so the boys could become familiar with the play. Orly began rehearsing right away. For the next few days, I’d hear Orly singing alone in his bedroom and in the shower. He was always practicing. He’d auditioned for roles before but had never taken them quite as seriously as this one.

We’d been trying to instill the importance of preparation in him, and it seemed to have all “clicked.”

He’d get frustrated with his brother who was not as committed. “Justin, you have to be prepared for this audition,” he’d scold him as if he were an adult. “If you’re not willing to work for this, you’re not going to get the part.”

Justin was unfazed.

On the day of the audition, we sat the boys down. “Okay guys, today’s the big day. Remember that several things can happen: 1. Both of you get the part, 2. Neither of you get the part, or 3. Only one of you gets the part. Regardless of what happens, remember that you are brothers. If one of you gets to be Theo and the other doesn’t, be thrilled for your brother; brothers back up and support each other. Understood?”

They nodded their heads and off they went with their dad.

Upon their return, I got the details. Orly had a great audition. Even the director commented on how well he did. Justin, on the other hand, was all over the place. He sang well but was fooling around and being silly. Orlando and Orly were not happy about his behavior.

Every day for the next few days, Orly asked, “Have you heard from UM?”

“Nothing yet.” We continued to prepare both of them for the possibilities we had discussed earlier.

Then I got the call from Orlando. “Are you sitting down?” His voice sounded surprised.

Could they have both gotten the part? Is it good news or bad news?

“What is it?” I asked.

“Justin got the role of Theo.” Yes! They both got the part. “So they both got in?” I confirmed.

“No, Caro. Orly didn’t get in.”

What?

I never considered that Justin would get the role over his older brother.

“But didn’t you said he was fooling around during the audition?” I asked.

“He was!” Orlando exclaimed. “She liked Justin’s innocence and angelic face. Apparently, not being polished worked to his advantage. The director loved Orly, but he was too tall for the Theo she envisioned.”

“Orly is going to be devastated,” I said softly.

We’d been telling our son to work hard and be prepared and that would get him to where he wanted to be. But his little brother was getting the role even though he barely worked for it. As much as we loved Justin, we felt disappointed. It didn’t seem fair or right. Orly wanted this more than his brother did. He worked harder. He deserved it more.

For a moment, we thought of telling the boys that neither of them got the part. Justin wouldn’t be as devastated as Orly would be—but only for a moment.

Are we crazy? We can’t do that.

Justin deserved to have his moment in the spotlight as much as Orly did. And whether he had been fooling around or not, he had earned his role and it was our responsibility to celebrate that. Besides, we have to let our kids fail. We’re not doing them any favors by shielding them from disappointments. These moments build character. We knew what we had to do, but it was painful.

“Let me be the one to tell him,” Orlando said. “I’ll come by and pick him up in 15 minutes. Have him ready.”

With my poker face on, I told my son to get ready to go to the grocery store with his dad. He put his shoes on and rushed out of the house.

Orlando drove them around the block and parked in a nearby school parking lot. “What are you doing, Dad?” Orly asked.

“Orly, I have something to tell you. Justin was chosen to be Theo for Pippin, but you weren’t.” Our son’s eyes dropped down to the floor.

“Orly, I know this is devastating for you, but you can’t let it get you down. You had a great audition. You killed it. In fact, the director called me because she wanted you to know how impressed she was by you. She said she’d keep you in mind for future performances.”

“But if I did so well, why didn’t I get the part?” he asked.

“Because this wasn’t the right part for you, buddy. You are too tall and mature for the role. You’re not going to be a good fit for every part. And the acting world is full of rejection. If you want to be on Broadway like you say you do, you’d better get used to hearing ‘No’ more often than ‘Yes.’ That’s how it works. You’re going to have to develop thick skin.”

“Okay,” Orly whimpered.

“About your brother. Justin has been your biggest fan, sitting front row at all your performances and rooting for you. He’s always the first one to run up to hug you when you’re done. It’s his turn to shine. He deserves for you to be as supportive of him as he has been of you. And if you weren’t going to get the part, who better than your brother to get it?”

Orlando pulled Orly close to give him a hug. Tears streamed down both of their faces.

I waited anxiously as I saw my husband’s car pull into the driveway. Orly got off and opened the front door. “Justin,” He yelled loudly. “Come give your brother a hug!”

Justin ran right into Orly’s open arms.

“Why are you hugging me?” He asked mid-hug.

“Because you’re Theo.”

“Really?” Justin squealed. “Are you Theo too?”

“No Justy, I’m not. But I’m so proud of you.”

There are moments in life you will never forget. Watching this young boy, whose glossy eyes and pink nose revealed he’d been crying, put aside his feelings to celebrate his brother was one of those moments. I couldn’t have been prouder of my son.

When it was time for bed, I laid next to Orly like I always do. He began to cry again. “Mom.” He sniffled. “It’s not that I’m not happy for Justin. I’m genuinely happy for him, but I’m sad for me, too. I don’t get it, mom. I’ve been working really hard. Is it that I’m not good enough?”

“These things happen, my love—even when you work hard—but eventually your persistence and commitment will pay off.” I rested my head on my hands as I spoke to him. “You can feel happy for brother and sad for yourself at the same time. You know what you have to do tonight?”

“What?”

“Cry all you want. Feel sad or mad or whatever you want to feel.”

“And then?”

“And then tomorrow get back up again, ready to audition for the next play. Tomorrow, get back to working on your craft to be the best you can possibly be … because there’s an awesome role waiting for you right around the corner.”

Just then, Orlando walked into the room. “Orly, you know what? It doesn’t matter whether you got the role of Theo or not. Remember that the director said you made a great impression on her. There are no wasted auditions. One day, she’ll think of you when another kid role comes up, and this will all have been worth it.”

“You promise?” Orly asked.

We do not take promises lightly in our home. Having our children’s complete trust and confidence is one of our biggest priorities. Orly knows that, so this was an extremely loaded question.

Orlando paused, looked at his son, and replied, “I promise.”

A smile crossed our son’s face. We kissed him and walked out of his bedroom.

On the opening night of Pippin, we left Justin backstage and took our seats in the theatre.

With a huge smile on his face, Orly turned to me and said, “Mom, my legs are jelly.”

“Why” I asked.

“Because I’m so excited for Justin.” He squeezed my hand as we waited for his brother to take the stage.

A Moment of Clarity

I felt a little proud, a little sad, and a little hopeful that our son would be rewarded for his commitment, courage, and character.

But no matter what, I knew everything was going to be alright.

(Stay tuned for next week to find out what happened next)

September 23, 2018

Delayed Gratification · Inspiration · Success Skills

Stop Waiting for Inspiration

I’ve been staring at a blank screen for an hour and twenty-two minutes. My weekly blog post is due, the kids will wake up soon, and I’ve got nothing.

This is the problem with inspiration. It’s not available on demand. She might be tapping on someone else’s shoulder right now, whispering words of wisdom in their ear … but for me, she didn’t stop by today.

So what do I do?

Do I close the computer and skip this week’s article?

Should I dwell on the fact that I don’t have 26 articles written and ready to go like my blogger friends told me to?

Or do I distract myself with busy work so I have the false illusion that I’m being productive?

Everything seems easier with inspiration, whether you’re working, writing, speaking, painting, eating healthy, exercising—heck, it’s even easier to love when you’re feeling inspired.

The key word here being: Feeling.

Feelings are fickle and sometimes we just don’t feel like doing what we’re supposed to be doing.

It’s like going to the gym. Most people know it’s good for them and they’ll feel great after they exercise. But when that alarm clock starts beeping at 5am, they don’t feel like getting out of bed.

A friend of mine told me once how he tackles that problem: “I want to run but I know I’m not going to feel like running, so I don’t think about the run. I focus on putting on my running shoes and walking outside. I tell myself that once I’m on the street, if I don’t feel like running, I can turn around and go back inside. But I never do. So long as I can get my shoes on and get on the road, I’ll run.”

What about having sex with your partner. We all know that couples who have sex regularly are happier in their relationships. And yet after a long, stressful day, sex doesn’t sound like a good idea. You feel tired, stressed or annoyed. You don’t feel like it. Then it becomes a vicious cycle. The less you have sex, the less you want to have sex with your partner, and the more the relationship starts deteriorating. I asked a friend of mine who was having marital problems how their sex life was going.

“I can’t remember the last time we had sex,” she replied.

“Maybe if you two have sex, things will improve.” I suggested.

“Ugh, I know.” She took a deep breath as her eyes met the floor. “But I just don’t feel like it.”

“Do you want to get a divorce?” I asked.

“No!” She said without hesitating. “I still love him, It’s just things haven’t been going well and I’m not in the mood.”

I pressed her. “Then, do it anyway. Go home tonight and have sex. You might be surprised how you feel afterwards.”

She called me a month later and said “I did what you suggested and all I could think was: why didn’t I do this sooner? We’ve been having sex regularly and our relationship has improved so much in the last few weeks.”

That’s the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people. They’re not solely driven by their emotions.

Do it anyway.

I closed my eyes and set an intention. I’m not sure what I’m going to write today, but please let it serve someone who needs to read my words.

The next thing I did was look back at my old blogposts to see what I wrote about during this time last year. I wrote one post about lessons I learned from a simple story my cousin shared at her father’s funeral and another about lessons I learned as we confronted Hurricane Irma.

I took a moment to express gratitude that I’m no longer facing these difficult times, even if it means I’m drawing a writer’s blank.

But then it hit me. It’s so obvious. Back then I only wrote when I was inspired, which made my writing a hobby, not a profession. But I’ve made a decision to go pro. And that means this article has to go out—no matter what.

We all face this struggle. We want to be consistent, produce good work, and get good results. But that means we have to show up even when we don’t want to.

By focusing on my intention of serving others, I realized my lack of inspiration was inspiring a post about lack of inspiration!

Inspiration is nothing more than a feeling. Successful people are willing to do things that unsuccessful people are not willing to do—even when they don’t feel like it.

So what do you do when you’re feelings get in the way of what you’re supposed to do?

Put on your running shoes.

Kiss your spouse.

Look up a healthy recipe on the internet.

Sit in front of the blank computer screen.

Do something.

A Moment of Clarity

The key is to take action regardless of how you feel. And stop worrying about inspiration. Once she realizes you’re not waiting around for her anymore, she’ll come find you. Isn’t that ironic?

September 16, 2018

Inspiration · Parents & Families · Relationships · Success Skills

Shake On It

Working out early in the morning is an absolute priority for me, but my kids’ back to school schedule presented a conflict. I knew I wouldn’t make it home in time to wake them up and get them ready. The first week of school, I skipped my morning runs, and one pilates class. I was not happy about it.

Unwilling to make this compromise, I sat my kids down and explained the situation.

“Mommy has to exercise in the mornings and the only way she can do that is if you guys help me. You each have an alarm clock. I’m going to set the clocks to 6:30am and I’m going to leave this list on your desk. Your job is to get up by yourselves, and start working on the list. By the time I get home, you need to be dressed and have brushed your teeth and hair.”

I couldn’t tell if they were taking me seriously, so I added, “Here’s the deal. I know how much you love staying up late on the weekends. That privilege comes with responsibility. If you can’t wake up in the morning by yourselves, then you won’t have the privilege of staying up late during the weekend.”

Eyes grew wide and mouths dropped. “What?” Justin exclaimed.

Now they’re listening.

“In life, privilege comes with responsibility and consequences, buddy. You need to be responsible for waking up to the alarm and starting your day on your own.”

That was all I had to say. The next day, I went to my pilates class and when I returned my three boys were fully dressed and ready to go. Everything was going well until the following Wednesday evening.

“Okay boys, let’s set your alarms. Tomorrow I run so I get home a little later than usual. It’s very important that you’re ready to go by the time I get back. Let’s go over your list.”

Orly had had enough. “Mooooom!” He whined.

“What?” I was confused. I hadn’t said anything different than the other days.

“You’re doing this every day. When are you going to stop running and doing pilates?”

“I’ve been exercising every morning for years, Orly. Nothing has changed.” But something had changed, because my morning routine was now interfering with his life.

“I know but every morning is the same thing. We have to wake up by ourselves, and you’re not here. Enough already. Until when are you going to do this?” He pressured me.

“Until I’m 100.” I answered, nonchalantly.

His eyes rolled. “Mom, give me a break. I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” I said. “I’ll be running and doing pilates until I’m 100.”

“No you’re not, mom. You can’t run and do pilates at 100 years old,” he scoffed.

“Wanna make a bet?” I challenged.

“Mom, you may not even LIVE to be 100!” He kept arguing.

I put my hand out. “Okay, let’s shake on it. I bet you if I’m alive at 100, I’ll be running and doing pilates.”

“And what if you’re not?” He asked.

“Then you’ll be telling everyone you know that if your mom were alive she’d be running and doing pilates!”

Orly’s hand met mine and we smiled as we exaggeratedly shook our hands up and down.

I laid with him in bed for a few minutes. “You’re funny, mom.” He said as his eyes drifted off to sleep.

I better stay in good shape! I laughed to myself as I walked out of his bedroom. I can’t control everything that will happen between now and when I get to 100 (or if I do). But by shaking hands with my son I did three things:

1. I showed him that I’ve set an intention to stay healthy and strong for as long as I can.

2. I made him my partner in the journey.

3. I held myself accountable to the kind of lifestyle I want to lead.

What seemed like an annoyance for my son at the beginning (running through the checklist and setting alarm clocks) became a light-hearted team effort. My son’s paradigm had shifted to helping me work towards my goal of exercising until I’m 100 by cooperating with me in the morning. And by me going for my run, I’m sticking to my end of the challenge.

I walked through the door the next morning and headed towards my kids’ bedroom. They were awake and ready.

“How was your run, mama?” Orly asked.

“Great.” I said, “But Orly, I suggest you start training soon—because when you’re 70 and I’m 100—you’re not going to be able to keep up with me!”

A Moment of Clarity

Sometimes we feel like we have to put our goals and dreams aside for the sake of our kids. And sometimes we do have to shift focus and readjust for them. As they get older, though, it is quite powerful to dream and partner with your kids. It’s important for them to know what you’re working towards, and how their cooperation will help you get there. That’s what great families do. They help each other, they push each other, and they hold each other accountable. Great families are always there for each other, even when they’re not physically there.

September 9, 2018

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