Parents & Families

Parents & Families  ·  Relationships  ·  Success Skills
The Courage to Change your Choices

On the day I was due to give birth to my first son, I was in court announcing ready for trial. Up until that point, I assumed I’d have my baby, go on maternity leave, get a nanny and go back to work.

Isn’t that what all working women did? 

It all seemed so simple, until I held my first-born son in my arms. 

Although I had loved being an attorney at the Public Defender’s office, the desire to be a professional with a thriving career suddenly washed away from me. 

I wanted to be a mom more. 

My decision to stay home with my son at that time came with consequences, including financial ones. Orlando and I had no idea how to make this work — but we decided we were willing to figure it out. 

Some people questioned why I had bothered to go to law school. Had I taken out all those student loans for nothing? “What’s the point of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a degree you’re not going to use?” 

THE POWER OF HAVING CHOICES

I’d smile and tell them I went to law school to have the choice to practice law—and also the choice not to.

One son became three sons, and although I eventually chose to practice law again, I never went back to work for someone else. 

Without realizing it then, motherhood turned me into an solopreneur. 

I remember feeling back then that becoming a stay at home mom was taking me off my career path.  But I realize now that choosing to do things your way are not deviations from path, rather awakenings of the soul—tiny acts of courage that prepare you for something bigger. 

Turns out I was never going to practice law long-term anyway. Life led me to find my true calling and purpose, being a life coach who inspires people to live happier, healthier and more meaningful lives.  

Today, on Mother’s Day, as I reflect on all the choices I’ve made and the life I’ve lived since I became a mom, I am deeply grateful that I followed my intuition and did things my way. 

MOMENT OF CLARITY

We often get stuck on who we “are” rather than focusing on the choices we get to make. 

Throughout your life you may become many different things. Rather than view identities and labels as boxes that define and contain you, see each of them as one of  the many buildings you’ll inhabit, decorate to suit your tastes, and either stay in or move on from.

No one can take the skills, experience, and knowledge you’ll acquire away from you—and you get to define how you’ll apply them to realize your next creation. 

Choose the next right thing for you—regardless of what others may tell you and despite any doubts about whether or not you’re supposed to. 

You are not locked into a path just because you started down it. You have the choice to change your choices. The question is, will you have the courage to do so?

 

CONNECT WITH CARO Featuring Tom Harari

Tom Harari was faced with a similar challenge when he became a father 2 1/2 years ago. After spending a decade building technology startups and raising capital with VC’s, he decided his fast-paced life would no longer serve him in his new role as a dad. 

If you haven’t heard about Tom, he is a writer, entrepreneur, and investor. He holds an MBA from MIT. Tom writes a weekly newsletter called The Soloist exploring ideas around self-employment, creation, and living an intentional life.

I learned about him when my husband shared a powerful post he wrote on the 38 lessons he’d teach his 18 year old self. 

This post went viral on Twitter and for good reason!  Join us on May 16th at noon to discuss the exploration of concepts related to self-employment, courage, and leading a purposeful existence.

Click here to save your seat

 

May 14, 2023

Mindset  ·  Parents & Families  ·  Relationships
Home away from home

The doors slide open. A gust of air-conditioned air hits your face. You’re in a different city, entering a new hotel, and yet the familiarity of the moment is screaming “you’re home!”

That is how I feel every year when I arrive at the hotel for the annual National Speaker’s Association convention. It’s a convention I first attended in 1993 when I was just 13-years-old. My dad had recently joined the association and learned there was a youth program. I didn’t know a soul and was so nervous — until I met Natalie. It was her first year too, and she was as intimidated as I was. We quickly became best friends and from that day on, we looked forward to seeing each other year after year. Spending five fully immersed days in that event also allowed me to create meaningful relationships with my dad’s friends as well. Each year, the faces became more familiar, the hugs more meaningful, and the bonds much stronger.

Sometime in my twenties, I stopped attending convention. My adult life came with other priorities and commitments, and NSA became something I used to do with my dad. But my dad never missed a year. Not one in 24 years.

In 2014, despite being in the middle of an intense radiation treatment and against the advice of his doctors, my father decided to attend the convention in San Diego. Knowing how sick he was, I would not let him travel alone, so I joined him.

That was my dad’s last year at convention, and I am so grateful I got to be a part of it. As we passed the halls and said hi to all the people we knew and loved, my father turned to me with a smile, “Don’t you just love this place? These are our people.”

I never thought I could go back to NSA without my dad until I realized I would never have to. Because every time I walk through those doors, it’s like going back to his home. He may not be physically there, but he is there every step of the way.

Fast forward to 2022, and I have just returned from another magical experience at “Influence.” I had the privilege of co-chairing the youth program and give back to a program that has had such a profound impact on my life.

The legacy continues and life comes back full circle as I have become the parent, bringing my kids into my world and sharing my people with them.

And speaking of sharing my people … I am so grateful I get to share them with you, too.

On our next Connect with Caro, I get to introduce you to my dear friend from NSA, Lisa Jimenez. Lisa is the author of Mindset Reset: How to retrain your brain and transform your life. We’ll be having a meaningful conversation on how we to rewire our brains, especially around the complicated topic of wealth and prosperity beliefs. This is a free series I have created to bring you inspiration, insight, and education on all things: mindset, wellness, and relationships. Our own little virtual home away from home ☺️.

See you on Monday, July 18th at 1pm Est on Zoom. Click here to save your spot.

 

 

July 15, 2022

Inspiration  ·  Parents & Families  ·  Relationships  ·  Uncategorized
Traditions

Hello from Sarasota, Florida! I’m writing this to you as I overlook a beautiful ocean after an eventful day. Honestly, I almost didn’t write today for multiple reasons — but you may recall that I made a promise I’d blog every Wednesday and I am a woman of my word! I’m remembering my friend, Randy Gage, today and how each week he writes about what he’s thinking about. So I’m going to share with you what I’m thinking about today.

Traditions.

There is something so special about creating traditions. It gives us something to look forward to; memories we can relive and enjoy more than once — all somewhat similar — yet totally different.

In 2018 a friend of ours invited my oldest son, Orly, and me to parasail. On a whim, I agreed to go.


We had a great time. Of course, as soon as we got home, my 2 little ones started asking if they could do it too. I could have taken them together the following year, but being the lover of traditions that I am, I thought it was a great opportunity to make this a rite of passage each kid could experience with their mom.

Thus began our parasailing tradition – each one of my sons would parasail with me during our Sarasota trip the year they turned 9.

They couldn’t wait to try it. I’ve had the opportunity to enjoy my kids’ excited reaction when I woke them up in the morning and whispered — it’s your turn.

This year we completed the parasailing tradition that was 4 years in the making.

Traditions like these make life just a little more meaningful and memorable, and those memories are the building blocks of a beautiful life.

What traditions can you create to make life more meaningful and memorable? It doesn’t have to be anything big — all you need is intention and repetition.

Oh, and come to think of it, blogging on Wednesdays is a tradition I’ve decided to create with you ?. I’ll be sure to be back here next week and I hope you are too.

June 15, 2022

Holidays  ·  Parents & Families  ·  Relationships
Even if It’s Different, It Can Be Special

The night before we left for South Korea, Orlando and Justin stepped out to grab a surprise dinner for us, while Ryan and I picked Orly up at tween camp.  By the time we got home, our dining room table was dressed with fall decorations and my husband exclaimed “Happy Thanksgiving,” displaying the full Turkey and sides meal he’d purchased from Boston Market.  Even though Halloween hadn’t even passed yet, we celebrated our own Thanksgiving Dinner just the five of us. 

I’ve been pondering how this Thanksgiving is going to feel for everyone. Will families gather? Will they connect via zoom? Will they be thankful or resentful on Thanksgiving Day?

I know things will look and feel different this year, and it’s affecting a lot of people. This is actually the first time in my life I won’t be in Miami to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. 

But even though we’re all facing unique circumstances this winter, life is about choices. We make the best choices we can given the information we have, and then we have to accept those choices. Even when they’re difficult, we can still create beautiful memories. 

So maybe this year you celebrate the intimacy of a small family dinner and make it a tradition that extends beyond the holidays. 


Maybe this year you go the extra mile to be there even when you’re not.

Maybe this year you focus on being of service to others and you deliver meals or treats to people who will be alone this holiday or who don’t have the means to buy a meal for themselves. 


However you spend your holiday season, may you maintain a grateful heart for what is good today, and a hopeful heart for the good that will come in the future. 

A Moment Of Clarity

Even if it’s different, it can be special.

November 23, 2020

Inspiration  ·  Mindset  ·  Parents & Families
Have You Ever Been Tested?

A friend of mine who grew up in a very religious household told me once he didn’t know if believed in God. “How do I know I have faith if my faith has never been tested?” 

Months after enduring one of the most devastating tragedies a person could go through, we recalled that conversation. My friend looked up toward the sky and said, “When I said I hadn’t been tested, I wasn’t suggesting you send me such a difficult test!” 

Don’t worry, this blog post is not about God or His existence.

But that conversation stayed with me.

We all have moments in life when we feel as if we were being tested by something—whatever that something may be. 

If you’ve followed my work, then you know I’ve been teaching about How to “Be There Even When You’re Not,” for a long time.   

Even though I’m a huge believer in the principles behind this motto, I’m the mom who is always present. I’ve rearranged my career and life for the freedom to be that mom. 

Because I’m always “there”, I’ve often questioned whether I’m the right person to teach this concept. Maybe that’s why I never finished the book after my dad died.

But, The Tide Has Turned

Now I’m the one looking up and saying, “You didn’t have to test me this much!” 

My 11-year-old son is an actor. He just got hired for a very exciting acting project… in South Korea.

Yes,

South Korea…

as in…

the other side of the world. 

Due to COVID restrictions and the nature of the project, my son and I have to be in Korea for seven weeks. For the first time, my family, whom we lovingly refer to as “The Five Fingers,” will be apart for almost two months.


55 days, to be exact. 

Talk about being forced to practice what you preach! 

This is an opportunity of a lifetime — an experience that, without a doubt, will be incredible. But leaving my husband and two little boys for so long is very tough.

In a few short weeks, I’ll be navigating my family and business from a different country and a thirteen-hour time difference.

At such a young age, my son is already chasing his dreams and living a big life. But big dreams and a big life require big sacrifices and big decisions. 

I always say, “You’re in training for something bigger.”

It’s not that I believe everything happens for a reason — it’s more that everything that happens, happens. And if we pay attention, the things that happen give us the tools we’ll need later in life. 

My father showed me it was possible to live an unconventional life and still have meaningful relationships. Now it’s my turn to show my boys, and you, that it’s true. 

A Moment of Clarity

If you ever feel you’re being tested… whether it’s your courage, your character, or your capacity to do hard things… remember that life tests us all. You decide whether you will rise or crumble. Know that you can do hard things. It’s in doing those things you discover the tools you’ll need later in life.

As the author of Looking Over the Edge once wrote ☺️:

Pay attention… There are lessons here for you. 

October 5, 2020

Parents & Families  ·  Productivity
Navigating Work and Parenting During Coronavirus

“Mommy, are you ever going to stop working?”  I could see my son through the rearview mirror, a sullen look on his little face. “I feel like you’ve worked more than ever since the coronavirus happened.”

I’ve worked since my son was little, but I’ve always spent a lot of time with my three boys. My friends joke that I have a fake job because I appear to be a housewife. Going out on my own after my first was born gave me the luxury to set my schedule and prioritize my work as I saw fit. Kids came first, work came second — even if that meant I made less money than I could be making. Once the kids went to school, I had more daytime hours at my disposal, plus I had a mom and mother-in-law that helped with school pick ups several times a week. Between school and extracurricular activities, the boys were busy. I was great about being present when they were home, whether it was weekends, holidays, or afternoons. My work never interfered with their lives.

Enter coronavirus. 

At the beginning of the quarantine, it felt as if we had begun a relaxing vacation. Everything stopped. No more driving to and from school, activities, or work. No more commitments. No more travel. We had nothing to do. This drove some people crazy, but not our family. We savored it, spending our days in the pool, playing board games, reading books, and watching TV. For weeks we enjoyed the laziness of it all, remembering that this was a time we’d never get back. 

But as the weeks became months, it became apparent that this pandemic was not a short-term situation. I resumed my work, taking everything online. I paid close attention to what the world needed of me during this time, and I pivoted my business accordingly. 

I spend a lot of time working on my CORE Challenges, being interviewed on podcasts, delivering keynote speeches via zoom, and coaching individuals. But I can no longer work around my kids’ schedules because they haven’t had schedules. We are home all the time. With no separation, I catch myself shushing them so I can finish a call, meeting, or thought. I hide in different rooms of the house to escape the noise. I hold my finger up to silence their incessant “mommy, mommy, mommy” without looking away from the computer to claim some boundaries. For the first time, I can’t always be there when I am there. 

Now my middle son was expressing deep disappointment. Immediately the feelings of guilt and shame rushed over me. I’m a horrible mother; I’m putting my work’s needs before their needs; I’m abandoning my kids. Those feelings quickly turned into defensiveness: I’ve always put my kids first. I lay with them every night! I still play with them and read with them. I can’t believe he’s calling me out! I’m doing the best I can.

But I didn’t react based on either feeling. Instead, I asked Justin follow-up questions like: Why do you want me to stop working? What do you wish we were doing instead? What do you miss the most? 

I realized that what bothered Justin was that I’d had several intense days of work during launch week of the challenge. I also learned that what he was longing for was one-on-one quality time with his mommy — not just a few minutes before bed kind of time, but a big chunk of time. Once I understood how he was feeling, then I responded. 

We spoke about how he didn’t realize how much I worked before because he was entertained at school or in activities, but being home all the time made him notice it more. We spoke about why I’d been working so much over the last few days, and how in life we go through seasons. I reminded him how much time we spent together playing at the beginning of the quarantine period and all the things we still do together. I acknowledged how he was feeling and told him how much I loved him. I also shared how much I love my work and how important it is to me.

“I would hate to stop working because I have a lot of purpose in my work. It would make me very sad not to do it anymore.” 

He thought for a minute and replied, “Well, if your work makes you happy, mommy, then I don’t want you to stop doing it.”

“Thanks my love. Please give me a few days until I finish this launch, and then we will have a very special date.” 

“Okay, mommy.” 

Two days later, Justin sat on the couch next to his little brother playing Minecraft on his iPad. I sneaked up behind him and whispered in his ear, “Hey buddy, wanna go on a date with mommy?” 

His eyes peeled away from the screen as he processed my words. Then he squealed with excitement and popped off the couch to grab his shoes. Minutes later we were on our way out.

There’s not a lot to do during a pandemic, but luckily ice cream shops are still open! My son and I sat on a bench outside as he devoured an ice cream sunday and I enjoyed an acai bowl I’d picked up along the way. We chit chatted a bit and then drove to a store he loves. That was a little tough because Justin loves to buy things but he had an unfinished Lego project at home so I told him there would be no shopping today, only browsing! He wanted everything, but settled for enjoying the quality time. 

We drove back home and locked ourselves in his room to finish that Lego project he’d started. We had a blast building together. After spending 3 or 4 hours just the two of us, we reunited with his brothers and went out for a bike ride. Just like that, Justin’s emotional bank account was full again. 

One afternoon was all it took to press the reset button on his mommy meter. 

Since that day, I’ve been more mindful of putting my work aside to enjoy quality time with the family. Some workdays are longer than others. There is no perfect balance between work and parenting. The lines are even more greyed as we navigate this pandemic. Having everyone home all the time takes tweaking and fine-tuning as we find what works and doesn’t work. 

But one thing is for certain: life can be messy and imbalanced, but still be meaningful and rewarding. 

A Moment of Clarity 

When you listen with an open heart, acknowledge your loved ones’ feelings and your own, speak with love, and look for heart-centered solutions — everyone wins. 

July 31, 2020

family traditions
Holidays  ·  Parents & Families  ·  Relationships
A Family Tradition to Keep After the Holidays Are Over

It’s hard to believe we’re already celebrating Thanksgiving! Is it me or does time seem to fly by? The great thing about the Thanksgiving holiday is that the focus is on “gratitude.” The bad thing is that there is so much talk about gratitude that the word becomes overused.

Despite how trendy “gratitude” is right now, the attitude of gratitude should never go out of style. That’s why I want to share with you one tradition you can implement in your family to create a spirit of gratitude beyond the holidays.

MAKE DINNER A FAMILY TRADITION

One of the best decisions we’ve made as a family is to enforce having dinner together almost every evening.  We make little exceptions to this ritual, even when it means we eat later than usual because of work or extracurricular activities.

Dinner is the one opportunity for us to be together without interruption—phones are put away, t.v. is off, and toys or homework are not allowed. We go around the table and state our highs and lows of the day. When we talk about our highs, we get to celebrate together; when we talk about our lows, we get to console each other. This is how we stay fully connected in each other’s lives.  It also gives us a chance to process difficult moments with our kids. We learn about what’s going on in school and with their friends. We learn what scares them and excites them. And they learn about what interesting things we’re doing at work or what gets us down. It creates a safe space for us to share honestly and vulnerably, and help each other reframe situations and find solutions.

It’s even gotten to the point that when we have something really exciting to share, we save it until dinnertime to make our big announcements.  This family tradition creates a spirit of gratitude because it forces us to find the good in the day, but it also reminds us that even on bad days, we have something to look forward to. On those days when everything goes wrong, dinnertime is the “high.”

And then there are days when we play “Carooke.”  Have you heard of that game? Probably not, because it was created by my family. It’s a game where they announce a song that I, Caro, love. Then I have to sing the lyrics to that song—like Karaoke. The problem is that I have a condition in which I don’t remember proper lyrics to any song. I hear other lyrics in my head to what is being said. So when I sing my version, my family bellies over as I epically ruin all songs that I love. So, yes, for my children the highlight of dinnertime often involves song-shaming their mother.

I tell you that to show you that not only do we share at dinner, we also laugh with each other. We make fun of each other and kid around. That creates a playful environment that brings our guards down and makes us feel connected.

One day amid conversation over dinner, my oldest son blurted out: “This is my favorite time of the day!”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes.” He replied. “I love that we’re together and that we play around with each other. I love this time.”

We’ve since stopped rushing dinnertime to meet bedtimes. We enjoy dinner knowing that this time is necessary to create meaningful relationships and bonds with each other. And we also understand that this special time is fleeting. When are kids are grown and out of the house, family dinners will look different and be less frequent. But hopefully, our foundation will be so strong that our bonds will never be broken. Life is full of beautiful cycles. It’s important to enjoy the cycle you’re in right now.

Thanksgiving is a beautiful day partly because families gather around and break bread together. But having dinner together is a tradition that you can extend with your immediate family past the holidays.

A Moment of Clarity

An attitude of gratitude is not only created by giving thanks. It is created by sharing, being mindful, listening and feeling listened to; it’s about creating community and making time for what really matters; it’s about showing love, grace, and kindness, and finding the humor in daily moments. What a gift that you can cultivate this mindset by gathering around the table and enjoying dinner with your loved ones on a daily basis.

November 28, 2019

Inspiration  ·  Mindset  ·  Parents & Families
Are You A V.I.P.?

It was Wednesday of the first week of school. At pickup, Ryan opened the door of our Honda Minivan and looked at me with big eyes and a wide smile.

“How was your day?” I asked sensing some good news. 

“Mom, guess what?” Ryan clicked his seatbelt and sat up straight. 

“What?”

“On Friday the teacher is going to announce who is V.I.P. and I’m gonna get it.” Ryan squealed.

“Wow, okay. What is V.I.P.?” 

“It’s when you get to sit in the V.I.P. chair the whole week and you get to do all your worksheets in pen, and you get to use all of the teacher’s supplies … and you know what else?”

“What else?” 

He barely let me finish the sentence. “She gives you notebooks you can draw on if you finish your work early.” His enthusiasm was adorable. 

“That’s awesome, buddy! And how do you know you’re the one getting V.I.P.?”

“Because she gives it to the kid who behaves the best. And mom, I’m the best behaved kid in the class.”

“I see.” 

Ryan was so confident that I believed him. He couldn’t wait to get to school the next day and the next. 

On Friday I waited for him in the pick-up line, excited to see that elated smile. But Ryan kept his head down as he sat in his seat, clicked his seatbelt, and crossed his arms. 

“Ryry what happened?”

“Jake Diaz is the V.I.P., mom.” 

My son was heartbroken. I leaned over to grab his hand. “It’s okay, buddy, you’ll have another chance to get V.I.P. This is only the first week of school.”

“But I behaved so good, mom; I did my best. I just knew I was going to get it, and I didn’t.”

I sat with my six-year-old and explained that sometimes you can work really hard at something and not be rewarded for it. You can do your best, and still lose. But it is in those difficult moments that you have the opportunity to show your real character.

Are you the kind of person who lets a failure keep you down, or the kind of person who keeps working toward your goal? Are you the team player who can celebrate someone else’s win, or will your ego make you resentful and bitter? Will you accept responsibility and find ways to win next time, or will you behave like a victim? 

After some tears and hugs, we agreed that Ryan would work really hard to get V.I.P the following week, while still being happy for Jake. 

The next Friday I waited anxiously for Ryan to come out of the school. As soon as I saw his half-smile, I knew he had not been chosen as V.I.P.

Before I even had the chance to ask, he blurted out, “They gave the V.I.P. to Samantha. The teacher decided to do one week boy, one week girl.” 

That evening at dinner, we shared our highs and lows of the day as we always do. Ryan’s low: “Walking into class, seeing the VIP chair, and knowing I could not sit on it.”  

“Daddy, may I be excused from dinner.” our middle son, Justin, asked. 

Orlando resisted. “Justin, this is our family time together. Why do you want to be excused?”

“Please daddy, please. I need to be excused for a good reason but I can’t say what it is.”

Orlando allowed it. 

A few minutes later, Justin shouted from his room. “Can you guys come here, please? Can you come … now?” 

We headed toward Justin’s room. He’d grabbed Ryan’s old Elmo chair, draped a blanket over it, and decorated it with a white piece of paper that read “V.I.P. Chair.” 

As Ryan walked in Justin stood by the elmo chair and said, “Ryry you don’t have to be V.I.P. at school. You’re V.I.P in our house.”  Ryan ran to his brother and hugged him, crying. 

“Why are you crying?” Justin asked. 

“Because that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, Justy. I have the best family in the world.”

My six-year-old learned a second valuable lesson: Sometimes what matters most is the support system you have around you. Knowing your people have your back, and that they will love you even when you’re down is incredibly powerful.

Our little Ryan did not lose hope. The following week V.I.P. was to be given to a boy, and Ryan was determined to be that boy. Every day he’d come home and let me know he had great conduct and that his teacher was so happy with him. Because I’d have to travel on the next Friday, Ryan asked me to call him as soon as school let out so he could let me know that he’d been chosen as V.I.P. 

At 3:05 p.m. I rang. “Tell me Ryry? Did you get it?” 

Another boy had been chosen once again—a boy who was new to the school and who had become one of Ryan’s closest friends. “Oh buddy, I’m sorry to hear that, but this is Chris’ first year; he may have needed to be V.I.P. even more than you did.” 

“I know, mom. I said congratulations like a hundred times.” 

“Good for you, buddy. You feeling ok?” 

“Yeah I’m fine.” 

“Good. Keep your head up and keep working toward your goal. You’ll be V.I.P. soon enough, and when you do, you’re going to enjoy it even more because you’ll have worked so hard to get it.” 

“Okay, mom.” he replied softly. 

On Tuesday of the fourth week of school, I noticed Ryan crying at bedtime. I lay next to him and asked him what was wrong. 

“Every day I walk into the classroom and I see the V.I.P. chair, and I see myself sitting on it. Mom, I see someone else’s body and it’s like I see a cut out of my face on their body. I belong on that chair. I know I do. And I can’t get V.I.P. this week because it’s a girl’s turn!” he sobbed.

“Ryry, sometimes it takes us longer than we expect to get what we want. We don’t always get what we think we deserve. That’s life, buddy, but this is an opportunity to show you’re not a quitter.” 

“But what is the point of behaving good if a girl is going to get V.I.P. anyway?” 

“Ryan are you supposed to behave in class only to get V.I.P. or because it’s the right thing to do?”

He sniffled. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

“Okay, let me ask you another question. Let’s say you get chosen as V.I.P. The privileges of being V.I.P only last for one week, right?”

He nodded. 

“Well, does that mean that once that week is over, you plan to behave bad the rest of the year?”

“No.” He looked insulted. 

“Then it doesn’t matter if it’s a girl’s turn this week. You’re supposed to behave because it’s the right thing to do, not because you want to be V.I.P. In life you must do what’s right because it’s right, not because you’re expecting to be rewarded for it. Sometimes you can do what’s right and never be rewarded for it. And even when that’s the case, I promise you, it will always be worth it.”

In a much calmer state, my son looked me in the eyes and said, “I guess you’re right mom.” 

That Friday Ryan was picked up at school by grandma. When I arrived at the house, he was waiting for me with a folded piece of paper in his hand. It had a heart drawn on it and read: “For Mom.” 

Ryan loves to draw me notes so this wasn’t out of the ordinary, but when I opened the paper, I couldn’t believe my eyes. In blue crayon, the note read Ryan is the V.I.P. 

I started jumping up and down and cheering for him. He screeched and laughed in excitement. It was unexpected.

“Ryan, how did this happen? Wasn’t this week’s VIP supposed to be a girl?”

“Mom, I raised my hand in class today and when the teacher came to my desk, I asked her: ‘Does VIP have to go to a girl, or can it go to the child who behaved the best?’  The teacher said, ‘It should go to the child who behaves the best.’ And then at P.E. she said, ‘Ryan is the V.I.P. this week.’”

It was then that my son taught me a life lesson: Sometimes you have to ask for what you want; you have to speak up for yourself. He didn’t think he had a chance to get V.I.P., but Ryan asked the question that made his teacher think about her choice and re-evaluate her decision. He grabbed what he wanted because he knew he deserved it. 

Ryan spent the next week sitting in his V.I.P. chair and enjoying that which he’d longed for since the first week of school.  Every night at dinner as we announced our highs and lows, Ryan would share every detail of how great it was to be V.I.P. 

This brings me to the last life lesson we all learned from this experience: Enjoy the win! Revel in the reward. We will always have ups and downs, wins and losses. Celebrate your successes when you have them and enjoy them.

Ryan was only V.I.P for one week, but his determination, character, and resilience will make him V.I.P for a lifetime. 

A Moment of Clarity 

Sometimes you don’t win even when you worked hard. Keep your head up and be a team player. Your time will come.

Surround yourself with people who will always have your back and push you to keep going when you’re feeling down. 

Do what’s right because it’s right, not because of the reward. There won’t always be a reward. 

Ask for what you want. Speak up. Don’t just sit and wait; go out and grab it! 

Celebrate your success. 

Apply these principles in your life, and you will always be a V.I.P.  (A very important person)

October 15, 2019

Grief  ·  Inspiration  ·  Parents & Families  ·  Relationships
Turning Tragedy into Legacy

I recently attended a meeting where guests deliver a thirty-second commercial about what they do. I shared with the audience that after twelve years of practicing law, I’ve dedicated myself to keynote speaking and writing to fulfill my purpose of carrying my father’s legacy. 

 An older man stood up when it was his turn and said “My name is Mario and I, too, am carrying a legacy.” He then spoke about his roofing company. 

At the end of the meeting, I walked passed the main entrance of the meeting room and bumped into Mario. 

“So you’re carrying a legacy, too?” I asked 

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Is it your dad’s legacy?” I figured maybe his dad or grandpa previously owned his roofing company. 

“No ma’am. I’m carrying my son’s legacy.”

My smile faded. “What happened?”

At twenty-six, Mario’s son died when a drunk driver crashed into him. He left behind a roofing company he’d proudly created on his own. Because Mario’s son loved being a roofer, Mario decided to do whatever it took to keep that business alive. For a while he tried juggling his own company and his son’s, but soon realized he couldn’t continue doing both. Mario shut down his existing company to focus on growing the company his son had poured his heart into.  He became a roofer and now manages the business with pride, knowing he is doing it in his son’s memory.

Mario touched my soul. He serves as an example for all of us that regardless of the pain we endure, we always have a choice. We have the choice to get lost in our suffering, or put our pain to work somehow. We have the choice to forget the ones we lost, or to honor their memory and keep their spirit alive. We have the choice to stop functioning, or to carry on with purpose, love, and resilience.

A Moment of Clarity

Mario’s son died too soon, but his dad made it his business to carry his legacy. Now that is purpose-driven work!

Mario found a way for his son to be there even when he’s not.

April 9, 2019

Inspiration  ·  Parents & Families
Before you delete another email, Read This!

Email inboxes have become another annoying source of clutter in our lives, requiring management and strategic planning to tackle them. Although removing the noise from our inboxes stops the mental overwhelm, I’ve discovered there are some emails you should never DELETE.

I recently attended the funeral of a ninety-four-year-old woman. I didn’t know her personally but she was my friend, David Altshuler’s mother. David’s son, Ellery, was the first speaker to deliver the eulogy. He seemed like a nice, educated and articulate young man.  

I thought it was quirky that Ellery referred to his grandmother by her actual name, Thelma. People don’t normally call their grandmothers by their first name. But after a few sentences escaped his lips, I knew there was nothing ordinary about this grandmother.

I quickly discovered that Thelma was an excellent writer with high standards and that she was always available to help Ellery with his school papers. She was a highly educated and successful woman. I expected to hear all about her accolades and accomplishments, which I gathered were significant.

But Ellery’s speech went in a different direction.

He took us all on a journey of Thelma’s life by reading emails she wrote to him dating back to 2004. Every email on its own might have seemed unremarkable and insignificant, but coupled with Ellery’s commentary and the context he provided, each one brought the audience closer to his grandmother. This was Ellery’s way of showing us who Thelma really was.

Ellery mentioned how he and Thelma enjoyed literary realism. He referenced a few books and noted how those authors reminded you of the profundity found in everyday life. He did an outstanding job at displaying the depth of his relationship with his grandmother by allowing us to peek into their ordinary, yet hilarious, string of email exchanges.  

Instead of hearing about her awards and recognition, we learned about her constant battle with her printer and its toner, her obsession with compression socks and free parking, and her keen ability to complete the New York Times crossword puzzles.

Suddenly I felt so connected to this woman I didn’t know.  Her brilliance, her zest for life, and her love of literature, music, art, and humanity mesmerized me. Her independence and character inspired me. And the special relationship she formed with a boy sixty-nine years younger than her left me in awe.  She was more than his grandmother; she was his best friend.

By the time Ellery finished reading their email exchanges, Thelma had become my friend, too. She was exactly the kind of old lady I aspire to be.

At the end of Ellery’s speech, he spoke about how much he would miss Thelma. His head dropped a little lower and his shoulders slumped a little more. “I had Thelma in my life for my first twenty-five years, but I’ll live the rest of my life without her.”

He’s wrong about that.

Connections like the one Ellery and Thelma had are not lost or broken by death or distance. She influenced his life in a way that will manifest itself in every aspect of Ellery’s life until he dies. Plus, Ellery has something precious; He has the gift of his grandma’s written words.

Thelma’s emails were just like the postcards my dad sent me. She established a form of communication with her grandson and then communicated with him consistently. Through her emails, she stayed present in Ellery’s life no matter where he lived or what stage of life he was in. Some of my favorite emails involved questions Thelma asked Ellery regarding sports.

“She asked me about sports even though she didn’t care about them,” Ellery noted, “just to meet me where I was at.”  

Unknowingly, Thelma took part in the postcard promise.  And because Ellery never deleted those emails, his inbox became a box of postcards.  Even though she is no longer physically present, Thelma will always be with Ellery even when she’s not.

I met Ellery after the service and told him how moved I was by his eulogy. I also shared with him my personal experience with my dad’s postcards and how even now, three years after he passed, I can pick a postcard from the bunch and his words are still relevant and meaningful.

“Thank you so much for telling me that,” he said. “I didn’t delete my grandmother’s emails out of laziness and now it feels like a streak of genius. Even though I’m sad that she died, I feel so connected to her.”

I can’t emphasize it enough. Write to your loved ones! Whether it’s postcards, letters, emails, or post-it notes, written words are powerful, even when they appear insignificant at the moment.

That evening I returned home from the funeral and this is how the conversation with my husband went.

Orlando: How was the funeral?

Me: It was amazing! I am so inspired.

Orlando: You realize this is not how this conversation should go right?

Me: What do you mean?

Orlando: Caro, funerals aren’t amazing. They’re sad.  You’re insane.

Me: Well, you haven’t been to Thelma’s funeral!

A Moment of Clarity

The next time you’re sorting through your inbox and removing all the clutter, make sure you stop before deleting emails from the people you love. Create a folder for them; Archive them; But don’t delete them. It may seem like you’re being lazy now…but one day it might just be a streak of genius.

February 10, 2019

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